Social Distancing and Social Anxiety
Graphic by Yinne Smith
As a woman with social anxiety, what has helped me the most is engaging in social activities that push me out of my comfort zone slightly, but allow me to pull back when needed. For me, a key component in my progress has been facing situations that make me anxious. I’m particularly bad with phone calls and asking for help at stores, but with practice, I’ve become relatively comfortable with ordering at restaurants and meeting new people. Oftentimes, it’s the anticipation of an event that’s the worst. Before the pandemic, I’d conquered a lot of situations that previously caused me to worry.
However, since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve been socially distancing as much as possible, as have many others. For a long time, I could only see friends over Zoom or Facetime and even now we hang out outside, masked, and six feet apart. I’ve avoided going into stores as much as possible and stopped working my part-time job when the cases in my state started rising quickly.
Zoom classes negate a lot of the social interactions I would usually be forced into, but they also create a new set of obstacles. Discussions over Zoom never go as smoothly as in person, and I feel a rush of anxiety every time I go to unmute myself. It’s disconcerting to see myself on the screen all the time and I dislike seeing how everyone else perceives me. It does allow me to see my friends, which I appreciate, but it makes things like presentations and group discussions much more difficult. Almost nothing makes me more socially anxious than being put in a breakout room with people I don’t know. The stress of being in a silent room with cameras turned off is terrible.
Aside from Zoom worries, while at first, it seemed like a nice break from being forced to socialize, I quickly realized that without being pushed out of my comfort zone, I would have a much harder time initiating social interactions. According to an article from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, having less social contact can actually make it more difficult to progress. If you avoid whatever triggers your anxiety, it can cause the anxiety to grow.
Another thing that has become harder for me during the pandemic is initiating conversations. With social anxiety, this can be difficult in normal circumstances, but during a pandemic, it is vital to maintain relationships. I’ve found myself talking less and less to friends that it was easy to see every day at school. I’ve always had a tough time starting conversations, but social distancing means relying on technology to communicate a lot of the time.
There have been quite a few days where I’ve been in bed for hours, on my phone. It’s so much easier to lie in bed all day when you can hardly leave the house. I’ve felt like I’ve had an excuse not to socialize. However, after multiple days of doing nothing, it gets lonely and isolating. I started to feel sad all the time and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I knew I needed to get back to some semblance of normalcy, while still remaining socially distant.
What I’ve found most helpful since the pandemic began is setting up socially distant ways to see my friends. Some of my favorite activities have been playing Jackbox games, Cards Against Humanity, outdoor movie nights, and even just group Facetimes. It certainly isn’t the same as being with my friends the way I could pre-pandemic, but it allows me to get the social interaction that I need to maintain my progress.
Something else that has been constructive for me is pushing myself to reach out to friends when I notice we haven’t talked in a while. Starting conversations is hard. However, I try to imagine that my friends are just as bored as I am and appreciate me reaching out. I always worry about running out of things to talk about but am usually surprised to find that it’s not as difficult once the conversation has begun. As per usual, the anticipation of the situation is much worse than the situation itself.
Overall, COVID-19 has affected my mental health in bizarre ways and I’d like to think I’m managing the best that I can during the middle of a pandemic. It’s okay for me to take a day or two off from forcing myself to socialize, but I do need to make time for my friends and family. I have to strike a balance between allowing myself to relax and pushing myself, so I don’t have to battle my social anxiety post-COVID. Socially distant activities will never replace hanging out with my friends the way I used to, but they serve as a way to work through my social anxiety in a new situation and allow me to create fun memories in a difficult time.