The Radical Notion That You Are Already Enough
Over the years, in some way or another, we have all devalued ourselves.
Have you ever put yourself down for fucking stuff up? Hated yourself for failing an exam? Fell into a hole of self-hatred because you forgot an event? Cried because you couldn’t fit into those jeans anymore? Despised yourself because your stomach has rolls?
Then you feel tears cascading down your cheeks and you tell yourself “I’m not good enough” – due to not mastering a skill straight away, for losing someone in our lives, for comparing ourselves to others, trying to force a mould that doesn’t fit us or that we outgrew. This leaves us hating the way we act or the way we look.
Jumping to conclusions such as I’m not smart enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not strong enough, I’m not fashionable enough, I’m not confident enough, I’m not feminine enough, I’m not manly enough, I’m too fat, I’m too thin. We act like we were born only 50% enough and you need more skills or people to validate you, in order to make you whole. It’s exhausting.
But girls and boys, I’m here to suggest a radical idea: what if you are already enough?
Just, consider that.
You aren’t a half searching the world for a whole. You aren’t one skill or task away from completion. You aren’t one makeover or diet away from beauty. You are just enough, and you always were.
We have been convinced, manipulated, abused, and constrained to a headspace that we need to fix ourselves. The foundations of this way of thinking are built upon this exact idea, that we aren’t enough.
Did our baby bottles get filled with a pestilence of toxic thoughts and gnawed at our self-esteem all these years, destined to erode and leave us with only our insecurities? To govern our actions and leave us hollow with only our own doubts, thoughts of inadequacy, mistakes, wrong turns, words we couldn’t take back, crossed out words and torn up letters?
The beauty industry is a classic example of the ways the “I’m not good enough” mentality is taken advantage of. Isn’t it bold of these companies to assume there is only one brand of beautiful? Only made for the skinny, the toned, for those with big lips, a big ass, big boobs, no stretch marks, and clear skin. How many people have climbed this infrastructure of these ideals and expectations only to step off moments later using the measuring tape as their noose?
School. Another example of the allusion to “I’m not good enough”. In education, for a long period of time, I considered my grades to be my only characteristic. It didn’t matter who I was or what my ideals, morals, or strengths were. I simply diminished myself to a grade, to a B+ or a D-. I let it govern my self-worth for too long. I found it harder to comprehend math equations or spell certain words. It didn’t matter if I excelled in one subject, if I was failing or struggling in another my self-worth was non-existent. I would let myself live by the mantra of “I’m not good enough” so no matter what I achieved or ever would, I still wouldn’t be good enough. Simply because I believed I wasn’t.
“You’re not good enough”, let's talk about that phrase. Since we seem to confuse “Not good enough” with ‘Improving’ or with ‘Work in progress’. We seem to forget that we as humans are constantly a work in progress. We are constantly learning, improving, and educating ourselves in a multitude of ways each day. Acknowledging this information, we don’t seem to applaud ourselves for our accomplishments or for learning something each day. We instantly put ourselves down for not understanding it straight away or commenting that ‘we aren’t good enough’ due to not mastering a skill set straight away.
I was this person. Then all at once, a thought intruded its way into my mind “What if I am already enough, as I am now. What if I was always… enough”. Waves of memories began to resurface throughout the years, of me messing up and undermining myself. Reliving how I hated myself for weeks on end. I recall crying as the echo of comments I said to myself out of self-hatred replayed in my head, so much wasted time and energy. Remembering these memories is like I was looking back and forgiving myself. I then forbid myself to let these voices squat in my head, so I evicted them. I reminded myself that this is my mind, my body and I will evict any thoughts or people that threaten to harm it.
It’s one thing to want to motivate and improve yourself but insulting yourself for trying is ridiculous. It’s like trying to run a marathon and insulting yourself as you run until you pass the finish line. I wonder what our power could be if we acknowledged ourselves throughout the process of learning. Love yourself for trying, each day, not just when you succeed. You are still enough. We are still enough. On our bad days, when we fuck up, when we embarrass ourselves, when we misspeak or stutter. We are still enough, and if we remember our worth every moment; well, imagine what we can do.