Why Is It Embarrassing to Admit I'm a Romantic?

The Beatles said it best, “all you need is love.” Even though I have always believed this saying to be true, I have to wonder, why is it so embarrassing for me to admit that I’m a romantic? If love is all I need, why is it so hard to admit that I want it without cringing? By all of my friends and family, I have always been regarded as a romantic in every sense  of the word. I’m an idealist, a true dreamer at heart, and I always have been. Every time I take a personality quiz, I always get at least 97% romantic as part of my results. Reminders of my true nature pop up everywhere I go, and yet I can’t seem to embrace it. After 20 years of living in denial, I have finally begun to question why. 

As a lifelong dreamer, I have had romantic aspirations and optimistic dreams of what my future holds since before I can remember. Playing vinyl records on my record player and spinning around my room in twirly dresses, I sang along to show tunes about falling in love almost daily as a little girl. Growing up, I devoured any piece of romantic media I could find. Books, TV shows, movies, music, you name it. I was always watching music videos from my favorite singers about falling in love with the guy of their dreams, or catching up on the latest celebrity romantic gossip. Some of my favorite books growing up included Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Sense and Sensibility, Little Women, and more. Throughout elementary school, I was always listening to songs about teenage love by Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Avril Lavigne, and Kelly Clarkson on my iPod Touch.

Despite the picture above, not all of my childhood was spent dreaming of meeting my own prince charming and planning my fairytale wedding. I spent many of my formative years dreaming about moving to Europe, going to school, owning my own gorgeous apartment, and following my heart to the stage. For as long as I can remember, my friends and family have pointed out that these aspirations are still romantic in nature, and I’ve agreed with them. As I grew older, I began obsessively watching romantic comedies including How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Bridget Jones’s Diary, The Princess Diaries, The Princess Bride, 10 Things I Hate About You, Letters to Juliet, and more. I even started watching rom-com TV shows in high school including Gilmore Girls, The Mindy Project, New Girl, Charmed, Fleabag, Killing Eve, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. 

Currently, I’m a rising junior in college, and I’m more of a romantic than ever. During quarantine, I rewatched all of my favorite romantic comedies with my siblings, read more historical fiction and romantic books than I can count, and started some new rom-com TV series. I have profiles on a few dating apps, and have begun to venture into the intimidating but exciting dating scene for the first time. I spend my spare time daydreaming about what decor to put in my future apartment, thinking of fun activities to do in New York City with friends, and holding my kittens in my arms, torturing them with endless kisses.  

In my recent therapy sessions, I’ve realized something rather odd. In our sessions, my therapist made me aware of the fact that I always made fun of searching for love and would never admit that it’s something important to me. Even when talking about dating, I realized looking back that I always regarded it as a thing to pursue in the future, rather than admit that it’s something I am doing now, dipping my feet into the water. Talking about this with my therapist made me realize that I am hesitant to admit that I’m on dating apps and am open to starting a relationship with someone I’m attracted to. My question is: subconsciously or consciously, why is it so hard for me to admit I’m a romantic? Why have rom-coms always been made fun of, often regarded as a guilty pleasure for the female population? Why do I always feel like I need to defend myself when I say I’m a romantic? Why do I feel the need to defend my interests and goals when I mention the romance books I love, or how I’ve always dreamed of moving to England and being swept off my feet? 

After months of pondering, I’ve come up with a theory. I believe our society puts down romantics, and encourages people to embrace being unfeeling, rather than showing their true emotions. In the media and in our culture, society makes fun of romantics and encourages them to disguise their natures. In addition to pressure from society, I think that my upbringing led me  to become embarrassed of my romantic nature. Both of my parents are doctors and as a result, are naturally very logical and practical in their approach to everything. Neither of my parents have a romantic bone in their bodies. In fact, my dad didn’t even  propose to my mom (which I find appalling). As my friends and family have always regarded me as a romantic and subsequently laughed, teasing me about this “ridiculous trait,” I feel that I have learned to be embarrassed of this quality. My family has always made fun of me for being a romantic, but now I’ve begun to think--why? It’s not a bad thing. If anything, it means that I follow my heart as well as my mind, and am both practical and idealistic. 

By becoming aware of my embarrassment about being a romantic, I have decided to try to let it go. I know in my mind as well as my heart that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and being a romantic in both my interests and in the way I approach life is not a bad thing, but in fact, a wonderful thing. Going forward, I want to embrace my romantic slide wholeheartedly, and dive into the dating pool without looking back.  I hope, both in my therapy sessions and in life, I will be able to be unabashedly myself, unafraid to express my romantic desires and dreams. I’m a true romantic, and I’m no longer embarrassed to admit it. In fact, I’m the opposite of ashamed; I’m proud.