Right Person, Wrong Time?

graphic by Maria Tapia

Have you ever met someone and thought "This could be it; this could be the person for me - the right person"? 

I have, and trust me, the thought alone felt incredibly silly. I felt silly for even letting the notion of him being the right person for me cross my mind. Me being eighteen - knowing almost nothing about the world or myself yet, barely having lived at all. Still, somehow, he stole his way into my heart so quickly and forcefully, I had no doubt that this could be the person I’d spend the rest of my life with.

It all started as an innocent Tinder date. I had no expectations going into it, I just honestly hoped that it would not end with me hurling out of the apartment because of unwanted sexual advances on his part - but then I met him.

I don’t have the words to describe how I felt when he looked at me for the first time, I just know that I have never experienced anything like it when connecting with a total stranger before. To say that meeting him was love at first sight is an overstatement, but this person, this stranger, evoked feelings inside of me that I’d never experienced before, even with people I was in committed relationships with. I know how idiotic it sounds - I felt as if I had been teleported right into a cheesy 2000s rom-com. 

Yet this person, from the very first moment, just felt right. Being with him felt so strangely familiar, so comforting, like my body knew him already, like this was where I was supposed to be. We even discovered that we had the same tattoos in the same exact places, and while I haven’t made up my mind about whether or not I believe in fate, this sure felt a lot like a sign.

It goes without saying that the date went incredibly well, and we saw each other again and again. Everything was perfect, and I mean truly perfect. There was no red flag in sight, no ounce of toxic behavior, nothing signifying that this would end all too soon - until he sat me down to talk about us. 

Although he felt the same special connection that I did, he explained that he wasn’t in the right place for a relationship at the time. At first, I was upset - not with him, but with myself. Well, “upset” is an understatement. The burning fire of fury rushed through my body, making me claw my nails into the palms of my hands as he told me that even though he truly believed we were meant to be, now wasn’t the right time for us. I was furious because I thought I knew better than to fall head over heels for a guy I had known for a mere month and because his words hurt me more than I would have ever anticipated.

While I was angry, I understood what he meant. The more I thought about it, however, the quicker the anger faded away, and I was left pondering. I had met this person who I was so sure was the right one for me...but was he really? If he was genuinely the right person, wouldn’t it just work out? Isn’t the right person supposed to be just right?

The truth is: There is no such thing as the right person at the wrong time. The right people you meet at the seemingly wrong time are simply just the wrong people. If they were right for you, there'd be no wrong timing because the right people are timeless. 

When you meet the right person, there is no circumstance preventing you from being with each other. There is no contemplating whether or not you should be together, whether or not now is the right time. There is no amount of distance that can separate you, no plan you originally had for your life before you meet them because you trust that your relationship will succeed.

That’s not to say that relationships, even if they are with a person like this, aren’t sometimes difficult. Relationships take effort. They require compromise and sacrifice and, most importantly, they take the willingness to make it work. Despite all this, I have to note that when you are with the right person, nothing feels more worthwhile.  

What I know now are two things, two pieces of advice I’d like to offer to any of you who have ever been in a similar situation: 

We have to accept the fact that the concept of “right person, wrong time” is nothing but a facade put up by ourselves to keep us from accepting that sometimes the people who appear to be right for us just aren’t. 

Being hung up on this very idea that they were right for you, just not now closes you off to so many experiences, including meeting the person that is actually right for you. Oftentimes these people, who we want so desperately to be right for us, turn out to be a stepping stone on the path of finding exactly that. It isn’t worth exerting your energy on something that you cannot change, so regardless of what happened, it didn’t work out for a reason.

Secondly, this person was not your “one shot” at true love. I know that it might feel this way because they leave such an imprint on you that you might think that there will never be anyone like them. You have a fearful feeling that no one will make you feel as they did.

 In truth, I can’t promise that you will find a person that will be able to make you feel exactly the same, nobody can. What I can promise, however, is that you will meet someone that will make you feel just as loved, someone that feels just as right, maybe they just do it in ways that you never even knew existed before you met them.