Moving Out

Cover Photo: Bex Lark @bexlark, featuring: Birdy (@discobirdy) and Phoenix Poore (@iiiphynxiii)

As a senior in high school, I flew back and forth from Salt Lake City to Portland, preparing to leave home and enroll at Portland State University. I was accepted, I planned, and I became ready. Just two weeks before I was supposed to lift off with three bags of everything I needed to begin a new life, I received a text from my dad when out with my friends. “I don’t think Portland’s going to work out, kiddo.” 

I cried, a lot. I was born and raised in Utah. I already went through the grievances of saying goodbye to my family, my high school boyfriend, and my friends. I said goodbye to the corners of coffee shops and empty houses that were filled with whiskey-induced memories. I spent that last year so fixed on the nostalgia of my adolescence that when I realized I had to stay in Utah, a place I had emotionally let go of, I felt I could now never live the life I wanted. I didn’t get the “move out” experience I dreamt of having, as I’m sure many had to face in 2020 due to the pandemic.

I spent two and a half years at home with my family, going to state college, working waitressing jobs, and saving money. In August 2020, here I was, a senior in college working two jobs in a pandemic, and I finally got the moment I was waiting for: it was time to move out. It wasn’t what I necessarily expected: flying away to a new city, doe-eyed, and ready to experience something new. Rather, I was moving just ten minutes away from my family’s home with my best friend, but I was just as doe-eyed and ready to begin a new chapter.

Beginning what we think to be “adulthood”, especially during a pandemic, is not always what we dreamt or expected it to be. As my friends were moving out and experiencing what I wanted, I was stuck at home, doing whatever I could to just get through it and finally live the “dream.” But now, at 21, I have spent the last three years falling in love with new people and places. I didn’t think my city had more people to meet or places to see, but once I gave it a chance, it was possible for me to live a different dream. 

While our college years and career dreams have been hindered by the pandemic, we have made new memories we’ve already felt nostalgic about. Moving out for the first time with my best friend gave me a completely new perspective on what my future can and will be, and if anything, the pandemic has inspired me in ways I never realized. It made me realize what I was taking for granted: my health, the people I love, and the infinite possibilities. My best friend and I have become closer than we have ever been. While I and many others are still fixated on living the dream life, it has also helped us realize that dreams can wait. They can also change. What we may be dying to have, can change in the blink of an eye and provide new opportunities when they don’t turn out the way we expect. It’s taught us we don’t need to rush ourselves to live every experience in our late teens and early twenties. We can slow down and take care of ourselves and savor the moments we have. 

I was privileged enough to have a safe and loving family home. I was lucky to live rent-free for as long as I did, while also preparing for an independent future. I was lucky to have it “good”. So, the time I spent angry at the circumstances was unfair to not only others but myself. I was fixated on something I could not have, when I was unknowingly already living the dream. I was happy, and I wish I realized it. Although I wasn’t in Portland meeting strangers in new places, I was in Salt Lake City meeting strangers in a place I did know, creating a whole new life from this opportunity.