Outgrowing Your Friends

For the introduction to this personal essay, I wanted to write about something that happened to me and my friends. I ended up going through my snapchat memories and looking at the summer of 2021 and instead of reminiscing about the things that happened I felt my mood decrease, and I think that was a good starting point for what I have to say.

While looking through my memories I quickly began to realize that I am not the same person I used to be.

I’m definitely at a stage of my life where I am changing rapidly. I’m growing, learning and, quite frankly, I have a lot on my mind lately. So when I think back about the careless soul I was back then instead of feeling at peace, I found myself getting upset at how different I’ve become.

Additionally, this leads me to think about my life as a whole but more specifically about the type of person I was with each friend. There is not a single version of myself out there that is even remotely similar to who I am today.

I’ve changed a lot, and one thing I always forget is that even though I’m not the same person I used to be, neither are my friends. We are simply not the same people we were when we met.

It’s not only that we have changed, however, but so have our surroundings.

I met most of my friends during school, when we needed each other to get through the day. When you get so caught up in the madness that already goes on everywhere else, you almost forget about the people in front of you. They’re your friends and your support systems but outside of our school lives, you quickly realize that things aren’t really the same. 

But by that point it's too late.

By then there’s so many other urgent and deeper issues going on in your life that you brush it under the carpet hoping that you’re the only one who noticed.

To this day I still adore my friends. Even ones that I no longer have contact with, or even friendships that ended in argument. I know that a version of me and a version of them needed each other at that point in our lives and so when it came to it, we were always there. That’s what made it so much harder to move on.

You reach a stage in your life where you have a moment of self-realization and realize you don’t want to be in the place you are right now. Whether that’s a feeling of sadness and wanting to change, moving away from home, or even in the simplest terms, just stepping away from people you’ve outgrown. That moment is always a make-or-break decision.

It’s brave and takes a lot of confidence to make this decision. To want that change for yourself, let alone carry out the steps to move you in that direction.

So now you see the dilemma. You love all your friends, the good and bad parts within them, but you realize you are not going down the same route. It’s time for you to move on, and unfortunately, their plans simply just don’t align with yours. And it’s hard to say that to someone that has seen you at your worst and someone you hoped to have by your side your whole life, but there comes a time when you have to choose yourself, and if something isn’t working, you can’t force it.

I still occasionally sit and stalk my friends on social media. Seeing each one of them doing well, just getting through each day makes me feel proud and at peace. I’ll always wish them well because I know deep down, I would not be who I am if it wasn’t for them.

Each friend taught me a different lesson and that’s more than I could ever ask for.