The Birthday Blues

I love birthdays. I love watching people close their eyes, take a big breath, and blow out their candles (I always wonder what they’re wishing for). I love creating handmade cards with inside jokes doodled on the front and sentimental notes filling the space inside. I love strategically picking presents that strike just the right balance between affectionate and amusing. But most importantly, I love celebrating my favorite people on their special day. Celebrating my own birthday, however, is a different story. As the beginning of May creeps closer each year, I feel anticipation and excitement at the thought of my birthday approaching. But, I also experience a slew of less-than-desirable emotions: anxiety, fear, and sadness. 

I’ll admit. I’ve cried on many birthdays over the years. A full 24 hours carved out on the calendar to celebrate me, and I’m spending time crying? I used to feel guilty about it. Then, a few years ago someone mentioned the “birthday blues” in conversation. Upon further investigation I learned that the birthday blues refers to the general sadness or downcast attitude that sometimes accompanies someone’s birthday. It’s a common phenomenon, so much so that it was given its own, alliterative term. At first, I was relieved– I wasn’t the only one who cried on my birthday. But, the more I thought about it, the more crying on my birthday actually made sense. There’s a lot to celebrate on your birthday, but there’s also a good number of reasons to be feeling down as well. 

One, birthdays are milestones. While these are usually causes for happiness, it can be hard to celebrate a milestone that you don’t feel ready to celebrate. Maybe you don’t feel prepared to turn a certain age, or think you haven’t accomplished enough in the past year to warrant gifts and affection. Maybe it feels like time is moving too fast, or you don't have your life together enough to be turning a year older. Really, there are a lot of times when your birthday can be a reminder of the have nots instead of the haves, and this tints the day in shades of blue. 

Two, our special day doesn’t feel “special” enough. Even though we only celebrate our own birthday once a year, we are constantly surrounded by birthday celebrations. It always seems to be someone’s birthday, and we are reminded of this by the constant influx of “happy birthday” posts online. We celebrate our friends’ birthdays, and watch films and novels portray the day in a multitude of ways. Our birthday only comes around once a year, but we have an exhaustive number of sources that tell us what it should look like when the day finally does come around. Suddenly, a standard is set without us even realizing it. If we are constantly worried about how our birthday will compare to other peoples’ celebrations, or if our special day falls below expectations, it can make us feel below average. 

Three, all emotions are heightened on our birthdays. Between all the hype leading up to the day itself, the elevated attention we receive, and the pressure of our special day being special enough, there’s quite a wide range of emotions we experience on our birthday. It can all be too much at times, the combination of so many emotions in such a short time frame. This overwhelmingness can bring us to tears, even if we weren’t expecting any. 

If you’re familiar with any of the above, you might also experience the birthday blues. Traumatic childhood memories, fear of aging, and loneliness are among other possible causes for the birthday blues. Ultimately, there are a lot of reasons for someone to cry on their birthday. That’s okay! Crying on your birthday is nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean your entire day is ruined. Over the years I’ve adopted the “expect nothing, appreciate everything” mentality when it comes to my birthday. I’ve been able to enjoy my last few birthdays, despite the tears that inevitably fall on my special day. I try my hardest to block out any and all expectations and appreciate the small things, like an unexpected text from a friend I haven’t heard of in a long while or blowing out my candles while I’m surrounded by close family. We all move through life differently, and no two paths look the same. No two birthdays look the same, either. 

Birthday blues are a real, valid phenomenon. But the good news is, they don’t doom all your birthdays to feel like downcast days. They just mean you have to work harder to peel back the clouds and see the sunlight.