The Truth About Gossip and Why We Shouldn’t Hate Her

As described in The Talmud, gossip is a “three-pronged tongue” killing three people: the teller, the listener, and the person whose name is spoken.

Deceitful conversation, gossip, is all about hearsay and scandal, belittlement, and shame. It’s about lie-loaded rumours, shameless slanders, unproductive utterances, and secrets rarely only met by the intended ears. Broadly speaking, it’s about women – risking other’s livelihoods from the swift shift of their tongues and clandestine pleasures found in humiliating others. Buried under this indisputable connotation between gossip and women is the recognition that the latter is incapable of engaging in more worthwhile activities, lacking real knowledge to construct factually based discourse. 

This perspective of gossip is one that we are subconsciously persuaded to envision through the patriarchal gaze. Rather, gossip belongs to a secret society whose ancient rituals derive from the principles of community, power, intimacy, and connection. It appears over time that the true meaning of gossip has been lost to the rise of men with their tyranical supremacy over society and the fall of the female figure. Now it’s seen through a glass window tainted with hues of masculinity and years of gendered oppression. Prior to gossip’s contemporary meaning -now consigned to women- the word comes from Old English ‘godsibb’. ‘God’ and ‘sibb’ described the godparents of one’s godchild, generally being someone the parents of the child were very close with. It was also commonly used to describe a close female friend who was invited to the birth of the child. Eventually, that definition evolved, holding the meaning of an informal local sorority or social group.

Centuries ago, when communities were tight-knit, women performed collective tasks, a breeding assembly for intricate understanding and knowledge of their societies, imbuing them with power. Through gossip, women were able to establish both intimate relationships with one another and awareness of the inner workings of their societies. The power this granted the women, threatened many men, ultimately constructing the negative connection between females and gossip. Propaganda was also developed by men and even the Church to prevent the deep and influential relations between women and their conversations. The hatred towards women’s power within communities was a factor in the spark that ignited the 18th-century witch hunts. Women were forced to betray one another when threatened with pain and torture. Through agony, women ratted on their mothers, friends and sisters, breeding this communal understanding that women love to bitch about one another. An understanding that still survives today.

In modern society, we lack the witch hunts and torture but still live with this preconceived notion that women love to talk about one another. However, Sstudies have concluded that men and women gossip equally, therefore, it proves redundant and false to constantly envision women as the cover image for gossip. Due to the current society and the one that preceded us, men gossiping is seen as important and productive. It’s perceived that when men gossip, their networking, lobbying and discussing important topics. Understanding gossip in this aspect only nourishes the negative implications for women and fuels the patriarchy. It casts women in a light of negativity and devalues their ability to uphold constructive and informed conversations.

 It’s not invalid to say women gossip, but it is wrong to say it’s only women who spit daggers into the backs of others. In many corners of the globe, women are historically seen as weavers of memory, creating a sense of cohesion between the past and the future. In retrospect, this is done through gossip, through the storytelling of others. Aside from the destructive linkage between women and gossip, there is also a one-sided understanding of the latter. This is not to say gossip can’t be harmful. It can be mean, decitful, rage-inducing and revenge-seeking, but most of the time it’s the contrary. Its gossip which enables humans to spread valuable information to large social networks, – especially during the age when there was no social media to reach all corners of the globe. Gossip also functions as evidence of cultural learning. It can provide examples of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t. Collective criticism that ensues through gossip can be an indication of what is to come when someone behaves in a way that is seen as unacceptable. Gossip can serve to keep people morally in check; a verbal rule book. Ultimately, it has kept stories told by word of mouth and the voices of the past alive. The depth of conversation gossip breeds can birth feelings of intimacy between people, binding them through shared experiences and mutual understandings. Really it’s gossip that strengthens friendships, uncovering mutual likes and animosities.

There is nothing wrong with harmless gossiping, it builds bonds, encourages intimacy, and allows for the spread of information. Both men and women gossip, there’s no one above the other. It is the lens we look through that attaches women to the idle backtalk gossip is made out to be. Gossip is so much more than a nasty conversation between women about others, it can be and often is expansive and progressive if used and executed to spread information and become more aware of the people around you.