What if It’s Not Like the Movies?
Most people have a favorite movie. And, if you’re like me, you have more than one. If someone asked me to pick between Pride and Prejudice, Howl’s Moving Castle, Call Me By Your Name, and Prince Caspian, I would not be able to choose one over the others. These movies are very different, but each one earns the title of “my favorite movie” because they all succeed in transporting me to a reality other than our own. Long after the credits finish rolling, I always find myself wishing the magic and adventure that comes to life in these films could be a part of our own reality. Above all else, I wish the love that exists in these movies could be found in our world, too. Of course love exists in our world, but when you compare our generation’s fixation on hookup culture and snapchat relationships to the romances that play out in movies, love seems as fictional as unicorns and vampires. On-screen love makes the reality of love seem boring, dull, and most disappointing of all– unattainable.
I know it’s not just me who feels underwhelmed with love in our society today. I see declarations like “true love isn’t real” and “I’ve given up on love” all over my social media feeds, and hear similar comments thrown around in conversation with friends. It’s easy to give into this mentality, especially when we compare our own lives to that of our favorite movie characters.
However, while we’ll probably never stop wishing for a love story resembling those that take place in our favorite movies, it’s also important to remember that romantic love is not the only kind of love there is. When we hyper-focus on romantic relationships in movies, we disregard the other types of love found on-screen. While romance may be a single plot of a given movie, it is rarely the only plot. My favorite films all feature romantic love, but other types of love are also present– love between friends and family, self-love, and love the characters feel for the world they reside in.
Romantic love is not the only love that exists in our world, either. Think about the relationship you share with your best friend, compared to that of your favorite fictional duo. Think about the bond you share with your pet, compared to the connection between your favorite character and their furry companion. Think about the happiness that comes with stepping into your favorite coffee shop, compared to the excitement your favorite character feels upon entering their special place. By juxtaposing the different kinds of love we experience to their on-screen counterparts, we can appreciate the love that is entirely unique to our own lives, unable to be recreated in any movie. From this viewpoint, the gap between on-screen and real-life love becomes much smaller.
Love does not always need to take the same shape and form that it does in the movies to be genuine. We don’t need to store all our love away, waiting for the perfect scene to play out, or until we are able to devote half our heart in a romantic relationship. We can choose to strengthen the love already present in our lives, through even the simplest of actions. Shoot a friend a text asking how their day was. Call a family member to see how they are holding up. Take a few extra seconds while looking in the mirror to admire a new outfit or favorite hairstyle. Give your dog an extra treat for simply being the best. When I see my friends with genuine smiles on their faces, hear my dad’s laugh over the phone, or take a moment to appreciate my appearance, I feel my heart fill with the reward of choosing to love in the ways that I know how. These gestures may not be as grand as the ones in movies, but speaking as someone who has been on both the giving and receiving end of these actions, I can confirm they are just as meaningful.
No, it’s not like the movies, and it probably never will be. We can’t decide when, where, or how often romantic love will strike us. Is there still a gap between on-screen love, and the reality of love in our generation? Yes. Will I still get upset when I see my friends begging guys for the bare minimum, or going above and beyond to impress someone who doesn’t deserve even half of their attention? Yes. But, by no means is love unattainable. When we focus on cultivating what already exists in our lives, instead of chasing what we see on-screen, we find love that is just as genuine and meaningful. And, while we will never experience love exactly how it occurs in the movies, the movies will never be able to precisely replicate the love in our lives, either.