You’re Such a Nice Girl

cover art: Honey Simatupang

You’ve heard of Cool Girl, but now get ready for Nice Girl. If you’ve read or watched Gone Girl, you know that Cool Girl is the girl that every man wants. Nice Girls are fun too, until men realize that they’re also real people with complex personalities. What do these two have in common? They are both idealized versions of girls that simply do not exist. 

If Cool Girl is hot, brilliant, and funny, what does that leave for Nice Girl? Nice Girls are polite, compliant, agreeable (whatever that means), and pretty, of course. Don’t forget to use words like docile and submissive when talking about them! They represent the “sugar, spice, and everything nice” ideal, the one that men have made up.

In a world where people feel threatened by strong, independent, and let’s be honest, attractive women, being a Nice Girl almost comes as second nature. Young girls are taught that men (remember, that’s who we live to serve) don’t like women who are “too much”: too controlling, too pushy, too demanding, too autonomous, and so on... When will they admit they like naive and innocent women because they make easier targets?

After all, Nice Girls don’t complain. They are unable to protect themselves from being treated badly because apparently, they let people walk over them all the time. The fact that being nice is equated to weakness, and both are seen as “feminine” traits with a negative connotation says a lot about society. I’m tired of people thinking that being kind means that you’re easy to take advantage of. Women shouldn’t have to be “tough” in order to be taken seriously.

The unfortunate thing is some women can’t afford to be Nice Girls, because they’ve been hurt before and want to protect themselves. They are forced to put on this protective outer layer, then they end up being put down for this exact behavior by, you guessed it, men! Women can never win as long as men are around, which may sound like a radical idea, but how’s this for radical, let’s start treating women like human beings and drop the double standards?

And while I’m asking questions, people feel threatened by strong women, but why don’t Nice Girls fall into that category? Why can’t we be both? You should be scared of any woman who’s holding herself back because of a label that has been enforced on her. As a woman, the world is not going to be nice to you regardless. While I am a firm believer in choosing kindness, if the opportunity permits it, be a b*tch! People are complex. Women are complex. We are not 2-D characters you can slap a label on and call it a day.

I would consider myself a nice person, maybe even a Nice Girl, but does that mean I can’t be confrontational? That I just let people use me? That I’m so oblivious to how I’m treated? I’ve been called a lot of things, but the worst has been naive. It makes me feel like a little kid, and not in a good way. 

It’s impossible to imagine a girl that is nice all the time. And not even nice in the traditional sense, just nice enough to please men. Remember Cool Girl? Well, she doesn’t just exist in one context, there are layers to her. Every man’s got a different version of their dream girl, which would be totally fine if their type wasn’t Girl That Likes Everything They Like And Never Causes Any Problems. And did I mention she has to do everything he says and be submissive? 

If the internet incels left their house and tried to have a meaningful conversation with a woman for more than five minutes, they could see that, surprise, women are humans too! By traditional standards, everyone is a walking paradox. It’s the interpretations that are different. If you’re a woman, you can’t be nice and assertive. If you’re a man, you’re considerate, and a great leader. If a woman speaks her mind, she’s overstepping or being too loud. If a man does it, good on him for knowing what he wants. Once again, men can have it all and still find a way to complain.

I’m sick of the Labeling Girls narrative and I’m also sick of the Women Have to Make Sacrifices one. In many cultures and norms, it is ideal that the woman dedicates her life to someone or something else. THROW THAT NOTION AWAY! As a woman, you should not have to give your life away for anyone but yourself. That’s why it’s time to reinvent the Nice Girl, because even though we are not supposed to fight back and make a huge fuss, what if that’s what I want to do? 

Nice Girls, we’re going to start establishing boundaries and drawing lines. Don’t even let people think that we’re easy to take advantage of. Don’t be afraid of doing something to protect yourself and coming off as “mean,” we are not responsible for people’s ideas of us in their heads. Speak your truth and your mind without hesitation. Stop doubting yourself, if I have to hear another man say something stupid with his whole chest in a class discussion one more time…. 

Remember, being nice is not about being passive, it’s about your intentions and wanting the best for people, even if it may hurt someone’s feelings. You can’t please everyone, so don’t lose yourself trying to do so. Practice empathy and kindness often, except when you’re smashing the patriarchy.