Daddy Longlegs and Marriage Story: A Double Feature of Dads Trying Their Best
A Father’s Day Special — Lenny from Daddy Longlegs and Charlie from Marriage Story are both dads who fail miserably while in custody of their kids. They find themselves struggling to balance the overwhelming amount of responsibilities they have, along with their own insecurities and parenting. Although Lenny and Charlie are not similar in character, they share similar situations. In this article we will dive into their similarities as parents.
Although Lenny from Daddy Longlegs and Charlie from Marriage Story are different in character, I was drawn to the similarities in their situations. Lenny is far into life as a divorced parent, whilst Charlie is newly introduced to the routine. As they parent their children during their times of custody, both fathers dance the line between compassion and inappropriateness but always with the best intentions. Whether it’s drugging a child with sleeping pills or taking the kids to meetings with divorce lawyers, both parents make decisions in order to continue life’s responsibilities while parenting.
Lenny works as a projectionist in New York and often finds himself struggling to balance parenting, promises and work responsibilities. In Daddy Longlegs, Lenny makes many decisions that the audience disapproves of. For instance, when Lenny is called into work and has no one available to take care of his kids. In fear of losing his job, he slips Frey and Sage watered-down sleeping pills, causing the children to go into stage four sleep, basically a coma. Lenny makes the decision with good intentions; he had taken the pills many times before without going into a coma. He feared his kids waking up scared and alone in the apartment, and losing his job. Although the outcome is disastrous for Frey and Sage, Lenny’s intentions were the opposite.
Throughout the movie, Lenny leaves Frey and Sage many times, which can be seen as neglectful by viewers. On multiple occasions Frey and Sage are left alone at the front steps of their school, waiting to be picked up because Lenny is stuck at work, or on one occasion, fighting with a mugger. However, Lenny is never neglectful on purpose. He finds himself stuck in situations that he has to balance with looking after his children. As Lenny says, “I’m entitled to screw up in my two weeks,” which seems understandable.
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Similar to Lenny, Charlie from Marriage Story screws up a lot. He accidentally puts Henry’s car seat in wrong, mixes up the times of Henry's activities and the names of his coaches, and takes him trick-or-treating in an urban area of Los Angeles. I am not a father, nor will ever know what it’s like to be one but I don’t think it’s fair to criticize Lenny or Charlie for these mistakes and mishaps. Although Lenny’s character is dramatized and screws up a lot, as a viewer I can relate to Lenny’s struggle to balance responsibilities. I have found myself, like Lenny and Charlie, caught up in responsibilities that overlap with others.
Like Lenny, Charlie in Marriage Story tries his best to be a great parent to Henry but fails repeatedly as his many responsibilities infringe upon his time with Henry. As Charlie goes through his divorce to Nicole, he is stuck spending his precious time with his Henry at divorce lawyer offices and on the phone with Nicole fighting. Charlie recognizes that staying with Nicole while he searches for a divorce lawyer is best for Henry but, to Charlie, having Henry around is seemingly more important. At one point, Henry complains and tugs on Nicole’s shoulder, indicating that he would prefer to continue his scavenger hunt at home, but Charlie snaps, yelling at Henry to “get in the f****** car!”
Both Charlie and Lenny prioritize spending time with their kids during the time they have with them rather than allowing the kids to do what they actually want. Charlie slowly recognizes that staying in Los Angeles, where he has Nicole’s family and enjoys his friends, is clearly the best choice for Henry, yet Charlie insists on Henry staying in New York. Both Charlie and Lenny are able to recognize the better environment for their children, but due to their own selfishness and love for their kids, they are persistent to be with them as much as possible - even if that’s not the best option. Charlie and Lenny both live alone in apartments vacant of items other than childrens toys and drawings, unlike their exes who live in fully furnished places filled with family, comfort and serenity. Charlie and Lenny consistently attempt to pull their children from their exes' due to their own self-centredness, but also because of self-consciousness and a shared longing to escape adult-hood.
Many of Lenny’s poor parenting decisions are owed to the fact that he is hardly mature enough to be an adult, let alone a parent. In a way, Lenny is more of a brother figure to his two kids rather than a father. Lenny is impulsive and often seeks fun opportunities in life rather than responsible ones; for example taking his kids Upstate with a woman he had a one-night stand with, the night-before when they were supposed to be at school. The two weeks Lenny has with his kids provides him with the escape he needs from adulthood; during this time he himself can act like a kid and has an excuse to act irrationally. At the end of the movie Lenny takes his kids and moves out of his apartment, all to escape adult-hood and the responsibilities that come with it. Both Lenny and Charlie are selfish about their children but Charlie pulls Henry away due to his self-doubt, rather than to escape adult responsibilities, like Lenny.
Charlie spends his time with Henry reassuring himself that he is a good father without Nicole’s help. Throughout Marriage Story, Charlie is seen consulting others about his parenting or life choices. He seeks help with the interior design of his apartment before the Evaluator comes, and even consults Nicole’s mother - behind her back - for help finding a divorce lawyer. However whilst Charlie lacks confidence about his parenting abilities, he does not experience this self doubt with his directing. As a play director, Charlie is repeatedly seen making many quick decisions for his productions, but as a father he is unable to apply this same decision making, and is quite stubborn when things don’t go as planned. Charlie also seeks validation from his child, often questioning Henry about Nicole’s parenting and whether he enjoys his life in New York or L.A more. Charlie craves acceptance and positive evaluation of his parenting skills because he is used to being praised for his directing skills and wants to win custody over Henry.
The visit from the Evaluator highlights Charlie’s self-consciousness as he tries to conceal his biggest insecurities as a father and his pain - literally. Charlie cooks an extremely healthy meal in order to impress the Evaluator and to appear a good father, however when Henry announces that Nicole is a vegetarian, Charlie becomes doubtful about his preparation. This exposes his wider insecurities as a parent, and his feelings of inadequacy compared to Nicole. Later during the dinner, Henry brings up the “knife trick” and his father’s promise to buy him a knife. Charlie immediately tries to disregard the comments to avoid leaving a bad impression, and attempts to reassure the Evaluator that the “knife trick” is innocent and harmless. Unfortunately, Charlie attempts the trick, failing and cutting himself badly on the arm, which freaks out the Evaluator. Charlie’s hidden pain caused by the trick reflects the pain he had been hiding the entire night. Charlie tries immensely to make the visit “go right” and prove that he is just as good, maybe even better than Nicole at parenting as they fight for custody.
Similar to Charlie, Lenny seeks validation and reassurance about his parenting skills. Whenever someone, such as Frey and Sage’s principal, criticizes Lenny’s parenting he lashes out, even yelling at the boys’ principal to “not reprimand (him) in front of (his) children”. However, Lenny also seeks validation from himself. He often invalidates his girlfriend Leni’s ideas in order to confirm his own. For instance, when Leni brings the kids a salamander and asks Charlie to let her help with parenting a bit more, he rejects her offer, insisting that he does not need help. Charlie wants to maintain full control to make himself feel better about his parenting skills and responsibility, giving himself validation he needs. On a different occasion, Lenny is out with his friends and spray paints the word “Dad” on a building, and is quickly caught by the NYPD. I feel as though his permanent marking on the building is a metaphor for the permanent title he has given himself and a visual reassurance of his father role. Although his kids were at home stuck in stage four sleep and he was stuck in a jail cell, the permanence of his father title remains for Lenny.
Both Lenny and Charlie fail many times as a parent throughout Daddy Longlegs and Marriage Story, but they always have good intentions. The two men are self-conscious and seek validation, because they want to be the best father they can be, whilst juggling being a parent, work and other responsibilities. Both dads take chances and make sacrifices for their children, notably the closure of Charlie’s Broadway production. Lenny and Charlie alike try to be the “perfect” father, which doesn’t exist. As Lenny said, everyone is allowed to have screw ups and although I’m not a parent, as an audience member I’m able to relate his point to my life, and carry it with me.