In Cahoots With dodie: How to Be the Best Hot Mess You Can
Photo by Rosie Alice Foster
There’s this saying about meeting your idols - that you can’t expect them to connect with you in the way you connect with them. Sure, they can connect with you, but only based on their work. It’s different, though, with dodie. Her background in content creation has fostered a different type of fan base, one that has lasted many years of change. I met with singer/songwriter dodie last week to chat about her latest EP, Hot Mess.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I grew up with you - I’m sure you might get that a lot. You were a pretty large part of shaping the identity of the internet for me - or what the internet could be. There was light where you were, or what you were doing and with the people you were doing it with. In a world where I am desperate, even as a young teenager, DESPERATE for connection, I found you. And you have changed so much. And I have too. This is all to say that I grew with you, or alongside you, but never behind you or in front of you. I felt like I was with you and I FELT with you. You create so much for yourself: the daily vlog series New Month New Song, etc. You keep up so well. I want to know what pushes your content forward now. What motivates you to create?
[DODIE:] That's funny. I just had a similar conversation with a friend the other day. Whatever I create needs to be inspiring. Maybe an experience that I've had or a feeling, or something very emotional, perhaps a big life thing that I can't hold in my brain and body. I have to put my emotions somewhere and my music is the perfect place. I’m motivated by pressure, be it from myself, my peers, or whoever else. Feedback and an audience of some kind also drive me to create. Praise is also a big one for me.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Validation and affirmation. And I think it can be done healthily. I like the honesty behind your answer, like a confessional. That energy carries into your new EP, Hot Mess. Confessional in the way you address yourself, and the relationships around you. There’s so much honesty in the experiences you detail in this EP like in “Lonely Bones” you talk about souring a date. Does it feel different now that we’ve gotten older and the culture’s changed? You’ve decided to be honest your whole life whether through music or through video entry - what makes Hot Mess different than all the other times we’ve heard you?
[DODIE:] Honestly, I'm not sure if it is any different. I think if there was a difference, it's just me growing up and aging a little, being in a later stage of my 20s, and all of the feelings that come along with that. My honesty comes from a place of wanting desperately to have no boundaries. And that might have to do with the way I was raised, but I can’t pinpoint where it comes from exactly. I've talked about it a lot with my therapist and with my friends. Maybe it's my way of combatting loneliness. It's a way to connect and be seen and to try and be loved, as well. Hot Mess is that and so much more again. Especially in “Lonely Bones.” Yeah, there's a lot of raw emotion. When your brain is left in a room with nowhere left to go, it chews around your subconscious and brings up every good and bad feeling. It's scary and it's comforting.
[UNPUBLISHED:] It’s like controlled loneliness. It's this loneliness that you can mold and look at and you can address and for somebody like me, it's so helpful to be able to have that model in front of me. I can learn to address it for myself as well. I wonder if you have these kinds of conversations with other people or fans, are they always so personal when they approach you? I ask because when I talk to different artists, I get pretty varying answers depending on the genre or the style of music that they produce.
[DODIE:] You mentioned growing up alongside me and I feel that. Especially when it comes to people who knew me online, like you. I feel like the interactions I've had have also grown up. I used to meet people for hours on end, and neither of us would have any boundaries. It would be a mess of feelings and emotions and excitement and also space in essence like sharing far too much in 10 seconds because it's just as hyper. It’s an unsustainable way of meeting and connecting with someone. And it was so damaging for everyone involved. I'm not gonna lie. It was great sometimes, but also maybe equally as bad. It was a wild thing and I would meet people who would tell me their life story, and I wouldn't know what to do so I would do the same and then we would cry. Growing up and learning about boundaries set the tone for the conversations I have now.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Making personal art produces personal engagements. And I'd like to know how your music interacts with the industry and as a system as a whole. Which genre of music do you fall under? I keep thinking Bedroom Pop; not in a stylistic way, but in the way that it like makes you feel like you're in your bedroom. Your music is very reassuring, and there's this essence of coziness and hominess that I feel so comfortable with. Do you have a childhood memory or a nostalgic memory that you're attached to that you take and carry with you to kind of help guide you?
[DODIE:] Oh, wow. Oh my god. Wow. The tone of home is a nice way of saying it. I have this incredibly strong principle when it comes to my music. I don't know where it came from or who taught me it but I always think, “Don't touch it.” Whenever it comes to industry people or anyone giving me advice I turned into this pissy bitch. I guess because it's so personal. It's almost like people are trying to change me and I'm this is my way of saying no, back off. A childhood memory…hm, that’s a tricky one. I love music very, very much. I was a very dramatic kid. I think that's probably why there are influences of musical theater in my music, which is odd because I don't know a lot. I just know my favorites and how they make me feel. And so as a child, I would just drool over musical theater, listen to musicals’ soundtracks when no one was home, and act out all the scenes by myself and it would be amazing. And that's all I wanted to do, act out those dramatic feelings. I do that every day and it's really sad but fun.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I love musical theater. So much. Do you have a favorite show?
[DODIE:] Probably West Side Story. I cry during the first song.
[UNPUBLISHED:] You would make such a stunning Maria.
[DODIE:] Stop.
[UNPUBLISHED:] You should listen to Dogfight. That show is equally as emotionally cathartic as WSS.
[DODIE:] Okay that’s so good. I don’t know any musicals. So I love this recommendation.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I'm in my early 20s now, and I'm obsessed with my early 20s because everything that happens in my life will be banked on, “Ugh this soooo early 20s of me.” And now that you're transitioning out of your early 20s, do you have any pieces of advice for an early 20-year-old?
[DODIE:] Oh god, advice.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Okay maybe not advice. But something you wish you knew.
[DODIE:] So many things I thought I knew about myself completely changed and will completely change. Everything will always change and some things are completely unexpected that will happen that you'll be like, “What?”
[UNPUBLISHED:] You know? I find that reassuring to some degree.
[DODIE:] I still forget it and then something will happen. I'll be like, “Oh yeah, life is mental.” It's good to remember that whenever you're feeling stagnant, even if it's been a year when nothing's happened, which I've had before. I still feel like a fucking mess. I'm not sure if I have any wisdom. I'm still waiting. I'm waiting for the day that I'm like, ah, yes. I don't have any sort of wisdom though. Wait. Can I ask how old you are?
[UNPUBLISHED:] I’m 22.
[DODIE:] God, wow.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I know, right? Okay, last question but still probably my favorite. I love how things are yours. I went through my “La La Land” phase at just about the same time that you went through yours. I'm still in it to this day. But I love how you make things your own. You have dodie yellow, dodie dots… what is dodie’s next thing?
[DODIE:] Oh, that's a good question. That's such a good question. Um, oh, man. I don't know. It's tough because I used to be so much more outspoken. You're right. I wanted to make them [my interests] mine. I was like, “I love this more than anyone else ever because I'm the most special.”
[UNPUBLISHED:] Okay, me.
[DODIE:] Right?! Okay but right now I’m obsessed with this new play that’s been showing in London. This show is massive. You wear a mask and then you go in and you watch the performers do the same play three times. You can watch them from all angles, and you can follow different characters. I'm fucking obsessed with it. It's so good. Anyway, I've been like three times.
[UNPUBLISHED:] So it’s live, interactive theater?
[DODIE:] Essentially. I’m obsessed with the woman that plays the queen. I found her on Instagram because I am obsessed with her. I hadn’t seen anything like it before. If you come to London, hit me up and I will take you.
