Dear SZA and Lorde, I’m Sorry I Expect Too Much
2020 was a year full of suffering and death. Coronavirus managed to take the lives of three million siblings, parents, relatives, and friends. The pain and paranoia were too much to bear in silence so people filled their lives with activity. Many folks turned to baking, reading, gaming, or watching endless videos on TikTok. Personally, I delved into the realities any streaming service or tv network could offer. The mundaneness of Outer Banks or the disarray of Breeders made it almost impossible for me to remember the death toll in my home state California.
However, music is usually my drug of choice due to the particular sense of comradery I feel. When I listen to a track, an artist expresses emotions like sadness, anger, happiness, and joy. Though the artist and I may be divided by income or class, these songs showcase our common humanity. This year, there were very few albums and EPs that provided a level of vulnerability. As a result, I found myself circling back to SZA and Lorde’s catalogs looking for something that could help make sense of this time. SZA’s debut album Ctrl, helped me process the chaos around me. For a big portion of quarantine, I wanted myself to perform at the same level as I did previously and was fairly disappointed for not maintaining enormous levels of productivity. But as SZA started to lose her grip on control throughout the album, I did too.
Lorde’s sophomore album, Melodrama, served a different purpose. It narrated Lorde coming into adulthood and learning to manage her feelings on her own. Last year, I spent most of my time applying to college and learning about different programs, extracurricular, and research opportunities each university had to offer. Weekends were filled with information sessions with college administrators and conversations about financial aid packages. While being immersed in this college process, I forgot about how college was not a dream but a reality. Things like expenses and student loans will soon provide an extra amount of pressure and stress. The decisions I make now may not decide my life’s trajectory but will influence my journey. Lorde sifting through these mature emotions and milestones with honesty gave me a certain level of comfort. Though I may struggle at first, I know that I will be able to maneuver in this crazy world.
SZA and Lorde’s respective projects have had a positive impact on me and have helped me make sense of my own thoughts. That being said, I have been growing a bit tired of replaying their old records. When you're shut out for about three and a half years, it almost seems passive-aggressive and antagonizing. Most artists abide by the one to two-year cycle of making an album, going on tour, and appearing on late-night television. Why couldn’t SZA and Lorde keep to the same schedule? Even musicians like Taylor Swift, Kali Uchis, and Tyler the Creator abide by this unspoken rule.
After Ctrl dropped and gained critical acclaim, SZA confidently said that new music would be on the way. For a time, she disabled her Instagram account and got off of Twitter. When she returned, the only thing she shared was an occasional feature. Although, you could count on SZA to post modelesque photos on Instagram or tweet her fleeting thoughts. I enjoyed all these outbursts of energy but what I wanted was the music she promised. With Lorde, I knew how long the wait would be. She’s not the type of artist to release singles or EPs in between albums. My expectations abruptly changed when I saw Lorde’s letter in ID Magazine. I was excited by the prospect of her releasing new music but as the year started to run out, I knew nothing would happen.
As I learned more about SZA’s situation, I felt so guilty and self-centered. In the summer of 2019, SZA’s grandmother passed away. This destabilized her making it almost impossible for her to write with clarity. During the previous year, Mac Miller, her friend, and collaborator died of a drug overdose. Producing and releasing projects to quell her fan’s desire was the least of her problems. The time she took to heal was necessary for her health and wellbeing. On the other hand, Lorde delayed her rollout because of the death of her family dog. She needed time to process losing a creature with such sentimental value. Apart from this, Lorde has been fairly discrete throughout her career but I do not think Lorde owes us an additional explanation.
I guess I treated these two artists as cogs in a machine. Just because they are public figures, it does not mean everything they make is for public consumption. That one to two-year cycle of writing and performing is abnormal because artists are deprived of rest.
On the other hand, artists are individuals who contain multitudes. For a time period, they may want to release paintings or pictures, design sets, act in movies, or write a novel. They should be allowed to pursue these interests without disapproval from their fans. Also, traumatic events occur in an artist's life. If I use SZA or Lorde’s music as a tool to facilitate my emotional well being, why can’t they take time to seek that themselves? It may seem like my empathy is misplaced; SZA and Lorde are two well off individuals who live comfortably, after all. Many people in this country are in precarious situations and still manage to work eight hours a day oftentimes in a hostile environment. I think the primary focus should not be on these two individuals, but on a system that forces people to maintain toxic levels of productivity to survive.