Music Superiority Therapy: Roasting my Friends’ Playlists
Let’s be candid: we’ve all stalked people’s playlists. Whether it was a prospective romantic partner, a best friend or a complete stranger, everyone has done the casually obsessive deep dive into someone’s Apple Music or Spotify. However, I am going to put an early-2000s makeover TV show twist onto it and go through the good, bad and ugly of my friend’s playlists. We’ll be putting my honestly problematic musical superiority complex to the test to see just how much I can bully my friends into believing that Halsey doesn’t count as alternative music and that Khalid was better in 2016.
Disclaimer: Music, like all things in life, is subjective. There is no wrong way to listen to music; all opinions are in good fun and are based solely on my personal music taste.
Our first subject, Elli.
Pros: Her newest playlist had all of the great basic components of your local radio station’s attempt at modern-day alternative music. I appreciated the inclusion of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Smiths, Two Door Cinema Club, and The Backseat Lovers. I even discovered some new songs like “Puppy Llama” by Coast Modern and “Not Nineteen Forever” by Courteeners. Overall, I love the playlist and how it included both mainstream alternative music and some lesser-known bands. Even better, her “Classics” playlist featured R.E.M., “Then He Kissed Me” by The Crystals, and “Drops of Jupiter” by Train—my future wedding song. I’ve never seen a playlist with such a concise grouping of every white-people-summer-barbecue song and I adored every second of it.
Cons: Her other playlists were a little lackluster: the typical “Stripper Anthems” that every high school girl has, one named “Skrt” which houses songs by DaBaby, 6ix9ine, and PnB Rock, all artists that I find to be on the lower tear of modern rap. What I consider to be the most blasphemous deed, however, was adding any song by Cardi B. With the beautiful array of consummate black female artists we are graced with today, Cardi simply cannot compete. Rico Nasty, Flo Milli, Saweetie, and the ever-effervescent Nicki Minaj... all utterly unmatched against the transphobic and problematic Cardi B. The addition of some of Khalid’s newer music was also disappointing; his transition into radio-pop hits from lyrically elaborate ballads was implicitly unfortunate. After attending two of his concerts, I’m chagrined to see the direction that his music is headed.
Suggestions: To supplement her alternative playlist, I would recommend songs by Summer Salt and Peach Pit. While they may not be completely alternative, their influences range from bedroom pop to relaxed indie, perfect for a playlist with diversified genres. Ryan Beatty is also a great addition; his album “Boy In Jeans” is an interesting mix of love ballads and indie-pop. “Haircut”, “Cupid”, “Camo” and “God In Jeans” all deserve way more recognition.
Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Now, Sam.
Pros: If there’s one thing I can appreciate about someone’s Apple Music, it’s honesty. And that is just what I found with Sam’s “Very Caucasian Music” playlist; I knew exactly what I was going to get. The Killers, Billy Joel, Uncle Kracker, the Black Eyed Peas, the list goes on. I can just picture this playlist blaring during a 4th of July family gathering where my relatives are shimmying uncomfortably off-beat. Who said white people had no culture? Another plus was the playlist entirely dedicated to 5 Seconds of Summer. While I may not listen to them consistently now, my 13-year-old self is smiling. I would never pass up a good pop-punk rock song.
Cons: I felt as though all of the playlists had the same genres: everything a pop radio station would play. Also, a war crime was committed when any song by the Chainsmokers, Camilla Cabello and Niall Horan were added. This is coming from a former One Direction obsessed pre-teen: Niall simply cannot survive on his own as an artist; I equate his newest music to what they play in the dressing room of a Khol’s. Her playlists offered me nothing I haven’t heard before and were simply boring and prosaic.
Suggestions: Try out some new genres! If you like 5 Seconds of Summer, there’s plenty of other pop-punk bands like Waterparksand With Confidence. The latter’s 2015 EP Distance is one I always find myself returning to. “Godzilla” and “London Lights” are the perfect buying skinny-jeans and stealing from your local mall songs. Then, a great way to expand from Rex Orange County is with songs like “Fred Astaire” by San Cisco and “She’s a Riot” by The Jungle Giants. They’re a little less pop but still upbeat, fresh, and amazing to listen to in the car. Don’t be scared to tumefy your music taste; there’s much more to the music world than Hurricane by Halsey.
Overall Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
On to Paige.
Pros: Her playlist “The Flavor Is Immaculate” had one of my guiltiest-pleasure bands: Chase Atlantic. While their music isn’t entirely groundbreaking, it’s uncontrollably catchy and makes you feel a lot cooler than you are. “Swim”, “Into It”, “Triggered”, “LOVE IS (NOT) EASY” and “HER” are perfect for both pre-gaming and ignoring three-in-the-morning texts from your ex. “Greek Tragedy” by The Wombats and a few songs by The 1975 were also great additions. Her beach playlist had a pretty solid range with Dayglow, Weezer, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and Kuwada. I was introduced to some new artists like Aries and Brakence, even though their music isn’t completely my style. Nonetheless, I respect the grind of straying away from listening to music that is the most easily accessible or popular. Another plus was her “It’s Not A Phase Mom” playlist with Blink-182, All Time Low, Green Day, and Good Charlotte. Although I may not listen to emo pop-punk, I can appreciate all of the pure bangers that have come out of the genre. “Dear Maria, Count Me In”, “My Own Worst Enemy”, and “Jasey Rae” are all iconic songs that have majorly influenced the current rock music that I listen to.
Cons: Her car playlist, while essential for the professional aux-er, had some duds. Niall Horan’s “Slow Hands” and “Body Like a Backroad” by Sam Hunt would’ve killed my vibe during a late-night carpool karaoke sing along. My most heartbreaking discovery, however, was a playlist dedicated only to Russ. To me, his music is corny and takes itself much too seriously. His lyrics are sub-par at best and belong only on the phone of a middle schooler who just ended his week-long relationship with his crush.
Suggestions: To go along with her chill R&B songs: Roy Blair. “Dennis”, “Thunder”, and “Grow Up” are all a mix of alternative and indie, a good way to branch off from the timeworn beats that were present on her playlists. Kings of Leon are also a great asset to the guitar-led rock music she seems to favor. Caleb Followill’s lead vocals are nonpareil to the other early alternative rock bands, especially in “Waste a Moment” and “Pyro”. To augment the rock music in her library, Skeggs and Beach Goons are a must. They house the same gritty, adolescent-centric lyrics of the emo-pop of past years, but bring a fresh twist with surf-rock influences.
Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆
My experience thoughtfully patrolling my friends’ playlists turned out to be better than expected. While I did encounter many Ed Sheeran songs and some from the SpongeBob Squarepants soundtrack, I also found a few new bands I’ve never heard before. One step at a time, I will be continuing the fight to help anyone who still listens to The Chainsmokers gain just a little bit more respect for themselves. And, maybe, in the process, take down my phono-superiority complex and broaden my own music taste.