Eating Pussy 101
Eating pussy is one of the more taboo sex acts. Remember when DJ Khaled said on a podcast that he doesn’t go down on his wife? As much as he got roasted after the fact, his sentiment of there being “different rules for men” is held by many.
And it’s not just cishet men who don’t go down on their vulva having partners. Many of my queer AFAB friends have expressed nervousness about the possibility of eating someone out for the first time.
It’s often disregarded as an important part of sex, seen as unnecessary, gross, or too difficult.
Regardless of your gender or sexuality, I am here to tell you that, as someone who has gone down on many vulvas, it is important, fun, and not as complicated as people make it out to be.
In fact: eating pussy is fucking awesome.
To eat pussy is just like other sex acts. You need an open mind, a basic understanding of anatomy, and communication.
As far as the open mind goes, don’t psych yourself out about going down on a vulva. It’s not scary or weird or gross. That being said, it’s okay to be nervous, especially if you’ve never done it before.
Here’s some basic anatomy to help!
Don’t let all the fancy scientific words on the diagram fool you - vulva anatomy isn’t super complicated.
I’m sure you learned the basics in sex ed in high school, but here’s a quick refresher: the labia are the folds of skin. Under these folds, there are two holes. One is the urethral opening, which is where pee comes out. The vaginal opening is just under that and is where the blood comes out during periods and babies come out during birth. The vagina is where a variety of things can go – dicks, strap-ons, tampons, fingers, sex toys, etc. (You get the idea.)
The clitoris is above both of these openings, at the top of the vulva, where the inner lips meet. The tip is covered by the clitoral hood. The clit is made of spongy tissue with thousands of nerve endings, making it the pleasure center.
Because of this, the clit should be the focus of eating someone out. That being said, you shouldn’t ONLY pay attention to the clit. Use your lips and tongue to explore the entire area of the vulva. Try different motions: long laps with your tongue, sucking (lightly, you’re not a vacuum), kissing. Avoid using your teeth as the vulva is super sensitive and you don’t need a biting mishap to occur. Experiment with speeds and sensations. You can even try humming as you kiss and suck to provide some vibrations as further stimulation.
Pay attention to what your partner seems to enjoy by listening to them aurally and paying attention to their body language. If they seem to really enjoy something and are getting close to finishing, keep doing that motion.
As far as hands go, you can also use your fingers to essentially finger them at the same time as you eat them out. This can provide extra stimulation as well as give your mouth a break if you feel it getting tired. You can also use your hands to touch other areas: thighs, hips, torso, and chest. There are many erogenous zones on a person beyond genitals, so see what your partner likes! I really like holding someone’s hand when I’m going down on them. I think it’s a sweet gesture of tenderness and intimacy.
Another option for your hands is to use a sex toy. This can help to provide extra stimulation. I’ve found vibrators, especially small ones like bullet vibrators, are great for this. No worries if you don’t have toys or the idea of that much multitasking stresses you out! Oral is still great if it’s just mouth and hands. But it is an option if you’re interested in doing so!
Moving on to communication. It’s legit the golden rule when it comes to any sex act and eating someone out is no exception. As stated earlier, listen to your partner. Communicate before anyone’s clothes come off. Ask questions. What do they like and want? What boundaries do they have? How will you know if someone wants to stop? What aftercare will you do?
Whether eating pussy is the main event or it’s part of a string of sex acts, it’s important to have conversations before, during, and after. Check-in consistently. Consent is key.
Everyone’s body, vulva, and desires are different. To keep everyone safe, happy, and comfortable, have consistently discussions of expectations and needs.
During the act itself, it’s okay to come up to ask what they’re liking (and for air!). I promise it won’t be awkward and it will give you a better understanding of what your partner is and isn’t enjoying.
An option for non-verbal communication is to have them show you with their fingers, touching themselves to demonstrate what places to touch and what motions do too. Another potential is to have your fingers in the receiver’s mouth, showing you with their mouth want they want you to do with yours.
Simply put: Let them help guide you.
Other general notes for eating pussy:
Hygiene. Wash your hands before sex and brush your teeth at least half an hour before, as brushing your teeth can create little tears in your gums which makes it easier to contract STIs.
Safety. In a perfect world, everyone uses gloves and dental dams every time they go down on someone but I know that that’s not the case. So make sure you’re taking what precautions you can and are getting tested for STIs regularly.
Taste. Pussy will taste like pussy. Don’t go down expecting it to taste like anything but that. Pussy taste is generally a little salty and sour, but can be sweeter, taste like sweat, or be a little fishy. If the taste is an issue, flavored lubes exist!
NO TWO VULVAS LOOK THE SAME! Vulvas vary in color, size, amount of hair, etc. Vulvas do not always look the way they do in porn. If you are going down on someone, do NOT (and I mean DO NOT) make snide or negative comments about someone’s vulva. Be nice.
Pubes. If someone’s hair is getting in the way, use your spit to mat it down and get it out of the way. Do not comment on someone’s pubes. It is not your place.
Positions. There are a couple of typical positions for eating pussy – namely, the receiver on their back and the giver on their stomach, and facesitting. If these are too uncomfortable for either person, there are other positions to try! Try using pillows to lift the receiver’s hips, standing up, or legit anything that can alleviate discomfort. There’re no rules as to what positions you should be doing. If it feels comfortable, do it!
So those are my guidelines and tips for how to eat pussy! Be open-minded, learn anatomy, and communicate.
If this all feels overwhelming, remember that once you’re down there, it’s far more instinctual than you might think. Do what feels natural and listen to your partner! Relax and enjoy it. Sex is supposed to be fun, and eating pussy is no exception. You got this. Go forth and go down!
(And if anyone has DJ Khaled’s number, feel free to send him this article.)
If you still want more guidance on how to go down on vulva, here are further resources.
Sex with Emily Podcast “A+ Oral Sex for Vulvas”
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a8115340/cunnilingus-oral-sex-definition/
https://www.autostraddle.com/how-to-have-lesbian-oral-sex-197537/