Libido, Self-Esteem and Anorgasmia: The Relationship Between Sex and Depression

Whilst sex is massively associated with pleasure and excitement, these moments we consider our most intimate can be impacted massively by the effects of depression and anxiety. An array of factors can make this much more common than we may think - a lack of libido, a difference in our body confidence, and an increase in anxiety are just some of the ways depression can take a toll on our sex lives and sex drives. Of course, sex can be an incredibly freeing and enticing time but, depression and its inevitable pressure upon us can change this massively. So what common, perhaps unnoticed, effects does depression have on our sex lives?

Many overarching factors around depression can impact your sex drive. Depression is incredibly taxing. The increase in mental draining/fatigue - both physical and mental - can make sex feel like a chore rather than a pleasurable activity. This can link to a general decrease in libido (sex drive). It’s not uncommon for people with a decreased libido to experience anorgasmia (having trouble climaxing) or erectile dysfunction.  Of course, it is important to remember that these are all incredibly normal for us to feel. As I have said previously, your body and yourself are going through an incredibly taxing time. These experiences do not make you any less of a human being or a sexual partner. While all of these effects may seem more biological, depression can lead us into feeling mentally lacking in our self-esteem and confidence which simultaneously have effects on our libido.  

So, why and how is sex linked to depression? When looking at the science behind it, the main link is due to something called neurotransmitters. These chemicals in the brain are exponential in communicating your sexual desires with your sexual organs. Essentially, when you become horny, your body begins to respond by an increase in blood flow to your sexual organs. Ultimately responding in an erection or your vagina becoming wet. This can become a bit more difficult when you sprinkle depression into the mix. The sex-orientated chemicals become a bit out of balance, resulting in a decrease in libido. Therefore, feeling horny and aroused isn’t quite as easy. 

I don’t want to make this article about all of the downfalls and disadvantages of sex while being depressed. I want to elaborate that it isn’t something to be ashamed of and if anybody tries to make you feel ashamed of it, they are not worth your time. Depression is, unfortunately, an incredibly prominent issue in society. For many of us, we experience it at some point in our lives or, we know people facing the constant battle. I think it can be incredibly difficult navigating your sex life when you have depression, especially if you have a partner who perhaps doesn’t “get it.” I constantly emphasize to people that communication is key within any relationship. Therefore, if you perhaps feel your sex drive is lacking and there is an impact on your self-esteem, I do think it would help to communicate this to your partner. I know talking about your feelings, mentally and physically, can be incredibly daunting but, as cliché as it sounds - it does help. Another avenue I would suggest if you are experiencing an impact on your sex drive due to your mental health is therapy or counseling. I know this resource isn’t accessible to everybody (something I hope will change in the future) but, if you do have access to this, I would recommend it. Talking to a professional about these things can be incredibly helpful as they can propose some ways to help with what you’re going through. 

Now that we are becoming more and more comfortable opening up about our sex lives, the overlap between sex and mental health needs to be discussed more. A lack of realization can lead to self-punishment for not feeling “in the mood” and it can lead to the feeling that something is “wrong with you” because you’re not wanting to have sex. I know it is easier said than done but, please, do not come to these conclusions. I’m sure we’ve all experienced these feelings at some point in our lives. Do not feel guilty. You are amazing, remember that.