Put Some Heart Into Loveless Days
Illustration by Zoe Gigis
I always say that my heart gets broken and mended at least a thousand times a day, but every now and then, it’s just numb. I don’t want to write, listen to music or even Instagram lurk, and those are my absolute favorite things to do.
Sunday scaries, breakups or hangovers are usually to blame for hollowed hearts, but numbed ones are the product of a culmination of things. The pandemic, human injustice and an unclear future has dropped an anvil on the heart of anyone that has one, making each of us work harder to feel okay each waking day.
I don’t wish to publicly mourn the loss of my comfort zone. Instead, I offer ways to combat loveless days.
1. Put Your Phone Down
This simple task is somehow impossible for me. Each quiet moment without a screen burning my retinas leaves me with time to think about what I should be doing on my phone. So, I’ll put my phone down and pick up something else.
That something else is usually a book, snack, or pet. I suggest anything that reminds you of being alive and living. Staying logged in and using social real estate for good can take up all of your time, but there must be a balance.
2. Make Lists
Fuck, I love to make lists (re: this article). This list was in part inspired by an exercise in the book “How to Not Always be Working” by Marlee Grace. This book has actually been on my shelf since January… I’ve been too busy to read it. Big yikes!
Anyway, Grace encourages lists.
In the book, I wrote out two: 1. what I do for work and 2. why I do that work? The latter was especially eye-opening as it helped me re-prioritize what actually matters.
So make lists! You may see things in a new light, or at the very least, calm down.
3. Move Your Body, Even if It’s Just a ‘Lil
Go for a walk, or if you’re really feeling it, go for a whole workout. Most days, I’m just happy I could make it out of bed and there’s nothing wrong with that. My body is keeping me alive during a pandemic, so why hate on it?
Try dancin’ a little, too. As artist Bjenny Montero says it best in one of their comics, “Abolish the cops! Boogie to the bops!”
4. Donate
When in doubt, donate. Redistributing funds, if you have them, is a surefire way to make a difference. Making a difference always makes me feel good, idk about you.
Here are some places to donate.
5. Talk to Someone -- Anyone!!!
I never want to burden anyone ever. I believe this to be a consequence of consistently being taught to take up the least amount of space. As I unlearn that, I’m also learning how to communicate rather than isolate.
For the first time in recent history, I can confidently say that you are not alone in your feelings. Talk to someone about them.
5. Did You Drink Water Today?
Put yourself on top of every list. The basics should be checked off every day: sleep well, drink enough water and take time to do something for yourself. Not as a treat, but as a tool for survival.
6. Spread the Love Around
There is never a complete absence of love. Pour some out of your cup into a friend’s, family member’s or loved one’s. They should give back threefold.
Or, do what I did between the years of 2010 and 2016, pour your love into something, like a band. One Direction, to be exact. Find excitement in the music, shows or movies you love.
7. Be a Pal!
If a friend came to you with these feelings, how would you react? Treat yourself with that same kindness or tough love. This is so hard -- maybe one of the hardest things you’ll go through -- so be a friend to yourself.
Self-love on loveless days can be the most difficult task but in order to be good to others, you need to be good to yourself. Take it easy and do things one at a time. Follow any or all of these steps to fuel your fire to keep fighting the good fight.