The Reality of Dating After Moving Back in With Your Parents
I’m a bit of a late bloomer in the romance department. Even though I discovered porn at a relatively young age, I never felt the urge to replicate what I saw. I never dated in high school nor did I see my classmates in that light. Despite my high school being fairly large, I somehow knew everyone’s business which turned me off of dating anyone there.
It wasn’t until college that I really started to explore romantic relationships/situationships. Of course, due to my inexperience, there were many rocky starts and awkward moments. But after nearly 60 dates in my first year of undergrad alone (thanks Bumble/Hinge), I got the hang of things, more or less. I know what you may be thinking…60 dates? Yeah…I didn’t really find any friends in my first year so I had to find a way to occupy my time. I figured, if I’m not making any lifelong connections, I might as well utilize this time apart from my family to figure myself out.
I realized pretty early on that a lot of the guys on the apps that I was talking to were looking for one thing…and I was not willing to deliver. This is NOT to say that all guys are looking for sex, nor should this dissuade anyone from using the apps for whatever purpose they see fit. I just knew what I was looking for and I recognized that my needs were not aligning with a lot of the people that I was talking to. I had two more or less serious “relationships” in my first year and a half on campus and then the pandemic hit and I moved back in with my family. Thankfully, I have a pretty positive support system at home so I didn’t mind having to move back in with my family. But let me tell you, only people who have moved back in with their families after living on their own know the true struggle of adjusting back to family life. One of the most prominent difficulties that I have experienced since moving back home has been dating…and everything that comes with it.
Dating on its own can be challenging, but when you mix in not having your own place, it really adds an extra hurdle to it all. Because of my general disinterest in dating in high school, I managed to swiftly glide past the lookout makeout moments and uncomfortable car sex experiences. Moving back in, however, I felt like I was teleported right back into that life phase as if I was right back in one of those awkward coming-of-age movies where the inexperienced main character desperately wanted to “go out with a bang” (literally)…except I wasn’t exactly a virgin anymore.
My parents have always been very hands-on in my life, so hands-on that my mom and I often sit together and swipe on the apps. (Despite being one of my best friends all these years, my mom still does not know my type. When I asked her to try to guess which guy out of a group picture I was seeing at the time, she pointed to the guy’s very…unique galaxy-printed tracksuit-wearing younger brother because, according to my mom, “he [looked] fun…” thanks, mom.) So when I moved back in, my parents got even more excited to help me in my dating journey.
One ground rule that I established almost immediately with myself was avoiding any topics related to sex. (To my parents’ knowledge, I am an inexperienced virgin who doesn’t know how to flirt…yeah, okay.) Because of that, I had to be careful with the way I phrased certain date stories when I came home. Let’s just say I “fell asleep” a few times during movie nights which is why I would come home so late, sometimes.
On one hand, it’s nice to have to leave my house for dates, whether that is going out to restaurants/bars, doing activities around the greater Los Angeles area, or going over to my partners’ houses for game nights/movie nights/etc. But on the other hand, I miss having the ability to host. As someone who has acts of service and gift giving as their two main love languages, it’s difficult not to be able to have someone come over just to hang out or to have a cooking night with. When I brought up the fact that I often think about how I can’t quite host to my parents, my dad blatantly told me that my family can leave if I want to bring someone over. But then this introduced new uncomfortable thoughts in my head: my parents would know exactly when I would have partners over (no spontaneity), I would have a time limit (no sleepovers...my personal preference), and, perhaps my biggest ick, I’d be inviting someone to my family home to potentially have sex…in my childhood room. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, sometimes you have to do what you have to do, I get it. But I value my space and feel like that would be an absolute invasion of my personal bubble, so it’s a big no for me.
Do I ever think about moving out in these times? Of course! But I know that I’m living at home for a reason: to save money. (If you are in a similar situation, you are doing the right thing. This is only temporary, you are saving up for bigger and better things, you got this!) Sure, dating while living at home can be difficult but it forces you to be creative with your time. While I recognize that not everyone has the same family situation as me/the same positive reinforcement from their families, I’m a firm believer in living in the now. May this year bring you all patience in dealing with your families, many new dating stories, and many opportunities to live your best life.