The Waiting Game: Q’tine Crushing
photo and graphic by Lauryn Alejo
Waiting can be the most romantic thing one can do. In the show Joe Pera Talks With You, the comedian makes an earnest observation as he spends the day waiting in various places for his grandmother, “When it comes down to it, waiting for someone is just a nice thing to do. Think of a hospital waiting room or someone who waits for a loved one to serve a prison sentence. What's more romantic than that? If my wife goes to jail, I'll wait for her, as long as it's not murder.”
Waiting says, “I love you and I’m here.” But, waiting, like love, can also be unrequited. Add social distancing to the mix and you get a nice confusing cocktail. So how do we figure out if someone is worth the wait?
Well first off, as an amazing Britney Spears candid in a graphic T reads, “DUMP HIM.” DUMP HIM or HER or THEM.
I kid. Your situation may warrant the waiting. Life happens! Although rom-coms say otherwise, other stuff happens *gestures at the current state of the world* that are not dating.
Dating, from the beginning, requires a lot of waiting. From anticipating text responses to the doomed “defining the relationship” conversation, it’s a waiting game.
In her novel Three Women, author Lisa Taddeo says, “The more in love a woman is, the longer she waits.” But women do a lot of waiting. Cliterally podcast host Clara McGowan says in a recent episode, "Women are taught their whole lives to take up the least amount of space and time."
But women aren’t the only ones left waiting. Although society seems to assign the waiting role solely to women, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, does a lot of waiting in their life. Many of us, regardless of gender identity, have been taught that the basis of our existence is waiting for a lover to rescue us and finally, at last, give us a purpose. I don’t need to tell you that that’s stupid dumb because we’re like five waves of feminism past that. So why do we still wait?
I’m sure I’m not alone in the countless amount of times I’ve caught myself staring out of a car window or just staring at my phone, waiting for someone to reply to a text. In many cases, the wait is NOT worth it. I’m never like “yes!!! He replied ‘hahah’ after two hours.” Okay, most of the time I am but that’s like -- don’t worry about it.
To get to the point, waiting has to take you somewhere for it to be worth it. Think of it as a road trip. There is no point in spending hours in a car just to return to where you left off.
Now I’m the queen of going for a drive for absolutely no reason, but those are perfect times for introspection! So although you may have lost someone you really wanted, you definitely learned a thing or two about you in the process.
Waiting leaves no room for living. Quarantine has been the champion thief of living currently, but in turn, we’ve received ample time to look inwards.
What many, like me, have done instead is turn to a crush or social media as a life float. Instead of exploring myself, I am constantly refreshing my feeds. It’s easier to focus on something or someone else right now.
That's why courtships during quarantine can be problematic. Since people don't have a lot going on, we kind of expect the other person to be constantly available to text and get to know. From my experience, constant texting kinda fizzles out the initial spark. There's a unique kind of attraction that you get when you actually go out, do something, and create memories with another person that isn't there when it's all online.
Another problem I see resulting from quarantine crushes is that this time of distance can create a false sense of connection between people. When life returns to a sense of normalcy, you may lose the bond, or find that you don’t have a lot in common after all. This is another fun waiting game. Again, you’re left asking, how do I know this person is worth the wait?
Make sure there is a destination in sight. No matter how far, be sure you and this proposed lover are headed in the same direction. And --bear with me-- don’t forget to enjoy the ride.
Although you may never know exactly where you’ll end up, you have a say in how you get there. During quarantine, it can be easy to use infatuation as a means of survival but don’t forget to show yourself love first. Maybe the most romantic thing one can do is show themselves patience.
Sources (in order of appearance)
Pera, Joe. “Joe Pera Talks With You.” Adult Swim, 22 Mar. 2016, www.adultswim.com/videos/joe-pera-talks-with-you.
Taddeo, Lisa. Three Women. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019.
Benson, Abby, and Clara McGowan. “Cliterally.” Spotify, 2019, open.spotify.com/show/6uix2dNq2vEQVszGxPnBwV?si=kr8Z2t6rQhenYokMsO8SHg.