Falling Back in Love with the Comfort Zone (Again)

Anyone with strict parents knows all too well about Life360, strict curfew adherences, and in some (most) cases, the flat-out “no’s” when it comes to you asking if you can go to see your friend who lives half an hour away. Heck, I still get an angry phone call from my mother if I’m out of my dorm room past 8 o’clock, and trust me, we fight all the time about the “bubble” I feel forced to live in.

In the early years of having strict parents, and well into my teens, I played along with it. My mom is a widow, and I’d hate to have to burden her more with worries and anxieties than she already has from the trauma of losing my dad. I obeyed, I cried, and the comfort zone of reading indoors and family game nights that I loved as a kid eventually became a prison cell. I was living in the “too much comfort” zone.

On the inside, I was someone who was boundless--creativity, adventurousness, and curiosity all wrestled with the obedient, reserved aspects of my soul. Since I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things, a lot of these pent-up contradictions would express themselves through my love of reading a book that would whisk me away or biking to new places when my mom wasn’t home.

Of course, these activities became my comfort zone because they were good extensions and balances of who I was and who I wanted to be. However, I noticed towards the end of high school that there was a fear within me to leave my comfort zone. Biking to the ditch outside my neighborhood was about the most rebellious I got in my first eighteen years of life. The most romance that I got was from a book about people falling in love while visiting a city that I had never been to.

It was around this time I began to hate the comfort zone. I was convinced that my life had been so boring, too comfortable, and therefore unsatisfactory because I never broke the boundaries of the self-imposed comfort zone. Not to mention, there were plenty of opportunities I could have rebelled against my mom, and maybe if I would have, I could have had the life that was glamorized in coming-of-age movies. Therefore, I was convinced that if I wanted to shake the feelings of stagnancy, I had to leave the comfort zone.

So, I did--surprisingly with little fear holding me back from trying all of the things. I went and stayed out late, blocked any calls from my pestering parent, and went to so many concerts and 24/7 diners. I started drinking with friends, taking public transportation, and everything felt as if the grass was so much greener. It was so refreshing to see me actually do the things that I always thought about doing while I was growing up--like sitting in a coffee shop alone while I worked on a poem, or walking down the street surrounded by skyscrapers in broad daylight.

I asked myself once while getting ice cream downtown with friends: why didn’t I leave the comfort zone sooner? Liberation, trying new things, and realizing that things don’t always go wrong were all very much needed for me. It dawned on me that I wasn’t as shy as I thought I was, and that I was more capable than I gave myself credit for.

You’re probably wondering then: why would I want to go back to the comfort zone?

I couldn’t tell you when I felt a longing to go back to the comfort zone, I just did. There was no specific timeframe, but I do know that I was feeling exhausted and emotionally depleted all the time. I was so obsessed with trying everything new that I became tired and irritable. Anytime I went out late or did something “exciting,” I couldn’t help but feel that my needs weren’t being taken care of. Midnight donut grabs and late-night drives talking endlessly no longer had the charm it once had. My bed and an essential oil diffuser sounded so appealing.

For the first time in my life, I blurred the lines of encouragement from my daring friends with peer pressure. Yeah, the same peer pressure that growing up I resisted. The boundaries I had for myself and with others were silly string that could easily be moved around in directions that I didn’t want them to go. I’m lucky I never got hurt, but the chances that I could have made me uneasy in hindsight.

Despite these troubling feelings, I cringed at the idea of embracing the comfort zone wholeheartedly. The comfort zone was where my past self was, not the self I am now. Besides, I was afraid of the desire to go back meaning that I couldn’t embrace the fun-loving, brimming with life version of myself I now was.

At the end of the day though, I knew that remaining outside my comfort zone would lead to some serious consequences. Being overstimulated and exhausted all the time would result in my immune system giving in or gradually destroying my mental and physical health. 

So, now the question remains: what is the comfort zone now? How do I love it again?

Just like the transition from “too much comfort” to pushing myself was fairly easy, going back to the comfort zone took little to no time at all. Like many things in life, it’s always the overthinking and the excuses we make that are harder than the action we dread itself. It’s almost like an “Oh, that wasn’t so bad” moment.

Going back to the comfort zone was long overdue-- I immediately relished getting lost in the first book I had read in a while. I didn’t feel any guilt in rewatching my favorite movies like 500 Days of Summer or Whisper of the Heart.  The daydreams came back, and while it was weird, it wasn’t something I necessarily rejected. I got the best sleep I had had in a long time. I fell back in love with family game nights, and the world felt as if it had come full circle.

The boundaries that I had undone in the reckless pursuit of pushing my limits started gradually falling back into place. I still wince a little when I turn down a night of partying with friends or a camping trip, but then I also think of the many times I said “yes” instead of “no.” 

My relationship with my comfort zone has taught me about life’s intricate need for balance and stabilization. I need the unknown and the mystery just as much as I need the known and the answers; the meaning of life’s fullness is loving both what’s familiar and all the new things waiting for you. Going back to my comfort zone really gave me back the energy to appreciate both the moments I have lived inside and outside of it.