“I’m Not Like Other Girls” Phenomenon: Dissecting Internalized Misogyny
“I’m not like other girls” has become the foundation of a whole new type of misogyny, one to home our oppression turned on other women and girls. Women have been taught to hate everything about themselves and feel constantly like they need to adjust to the male ideal. My question is “What’s wrong with other girls?” We have been represented as one-dimensional characters for years. We spend our whole lives convincing men and other people that we aren’t this stereotype. I want to dismantle this phrase and burn it; I want others to understand the harmful nature of this ideology. “Other girls” aren’t bad. I want to explain why women have spent years screaming this phrase in order to be heard and ripped from the chains of their oppression. I want to explain how by tearing that wall down to let men see us in a new light, we have been building up walls against our friends, family, and women of the world. I want to analyze the internalized misogyny that women have been carrying for years.
Firstly, to analyze misogyny we need to understand what it is, the definition of internalized misogyny…
Internalized Misogyny/ Internalized Oppression – Sexist behaviors and attitudes enacted by women towards themselves or other women and girls.
The essence of these misogynistic behaviors and phrases have been sprinkled into our lives and have been inhabiting themselves within us for too long. I’m going to be analyzing some of the phrases that have plagued our vocabulary for too long.
“I’m only friends with boys, girls are too much drama!”
A harmful generalization that women are “dramatic” and men are the cool and collected ones. This one always got under my skin, even from a young age but I never quite knew why. Now I know that It adds to this preconceived idea that women are dramatic and easily agitated or psycho. But let’s be honest, women have never been able to express any emotion without being branded as bossy or psycho. It has been embedded into us that women should be seen and not heard, to be the pretty ornaments on the family tree. But while women having opinions and their own thoughts are seen as inconceivable to some people, we do have valued thoughts and opinions. So, when a girl or woman disagrees with a man, this is seen as a woman being difficult and dramatic.
I grew up not knowing how to have a discussion with a man in which I disagree with their opinion, without being branded as dramatic. Women are taught to not argue but to agree. Whenever we choose to disagree, we become these emotional monsters because we have a differing opinion. Our opinion is already devalued by being a woman, no wonder we must shout to be heard. Also, if you really think girls have too much drama, is it possible you’re just hanging out with the wrong girls? And it’s more to do with your taste in friends than the whole female gender.
“What a… Slut/Whore/Slag”
Classic sex-shaming. Spoiler alert, women have a sex drive. I know, crazy right? It’s rarely talked about and is rarely discussed, and most girls are shamed from the get-go for having one. My experiences with the “sex talk” when I was younger always talked about in three senses: One in religious terminology, as in no sex before marriage; the next in baby-making, for copulation, and lastly the “drunk mistake.” This idea of women wanting to have bodily autonomy and choose who they have sex with seems to be a touchy topic for some people, and this is because there is this ideology that men should enjoy sex and women should be pregnant. She shouldn’t enjoy the process because her enjoyment is prioritized when both parties should be. So, when women began to push back against this idea and began having sexual relations with anyone they deemed, men, didn’t enjoy watching the essence of their own actions. Or what I like to call it, women having the confidence and agency to do whatever they deem worthy. Women have a right to sleep with, talk to any person they deem worthy. Unless you’re her doctor, it doesn’t concern you who she sleeps with, and by no means do you get to judge someone for something they do, that doesn’t concern you. Also, judging someone for their sexual behavior is an odd concept for anyone, right? It’s always kind of been weird to me that the amount of people we sleep with equates to some sort of value.
“Real Women have…”
No. Doesn’t work like that. You don’t sign a contract in your life that says if you identify as a woman you must: wear skirts, have curves, have a vagina, have long hair... Being a woman is whatever you want it to be. We shouldn’t assign characteristics to gender, being a woman is powerful and part is that power comes from your definition of what it is to be a woman. Even saying phrases like “real women have curves” is harmful as it applies that women with fewer curves are seen as more masculine. This also impacts the trans community in very harmful ways, as the authenticity of their identity and existence is constantly threatened. So, adding a layer of rules to being a woman is problematic, if I cut my hair into a pixie cut does that mean I lose my title of being a woman? Because I have failed to follow the stereotype or conventual ideas of beauty of my gender that was constructed before I was born? Should I be chastised for wanting to be defined by my actions, thoughts, and ethics rather than the shape of my body? I called a painting hung in a gallery “beautiful,” then later I saw a city full of Christmas light and I said they were “beautiful.” Though they are nothing alike, they are still both beautiful. Two women could walk into a coffee shop, and although they live different lives, have different carers, dress differently, they are both still women. Like beauty, gender shouldn’t be constrained into a box.
“I’m not like other girls”
We have been taught to see other girls as our competition, to fight for the male’s approval. “I’m not like other girls” is a ploy to prove to men that we aren’t the stereotype that men themselves created about women. There is nothing wrong with “other” girls. Other girls are amazing. Men made us out to be one-dimensional characters when we are multidimensional masterpieces. We were stereotyped as either sporty or smart or pretty or artsy or fashionable but we are not one thing! There are so many dimensions to us, we are everything we want to be and more. To quote Captain Marvel, “I have been fighting with one arm behind my back, what happens when I’m set free?” We have been fighting this oppression, stereotypes, this injustice, and inequality. Imagine your most radical move is loving yourself for who you are.
Don’t devalue a whole gender to please men. Women are amazing. Don’t fall into the patriarchal trap of hating other women.
The petition I’m appealing you to sign this month is…
“Studies indicated a disproportionately higher recorded rate of Black trans women being murdered in the United States. There are several factors that affect the livelihoods of Black trans women: denial of healthcare, rejection from loved ones, homelessness, survival sex work, the list goes on. Though seemingly unrelated, the perpetuation of these denials of personhood only further put trans women of color in danger.” Sign to help protect black trans women of America!