The Comfort of Female Friendships

I have gone through life hearing people complain about how difficult or draining female friendships are. Many say they would much rather befriend boys as they believe it is easier to navigate without the added ‘drama’. Thinking back on everything I’ve heard, I realize that I have never truly felt this way. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of friendships gone wrong or becoming difficult, however this has never been solely because they were girls. Realistically, everyone has some friendships that have gone wrong and this is natural as not everyone clicks. Every single friendship does not need to be long lasting, as some simply exist to teach you a lesson, or get you closer to finding new and stronger bonds with other people. I believe it can take everyone a while to realize who their true friends are, and how to navigate life in order to find genuinely good friendships. I have a level of trust and comfort with my girl friends where I feel as if I can be unapologetically myself, whether I’m happy and bubbly, or I’m suffering through the most horrendous day of my life. I feel at ease, and never scared to express who I am when I’m surrounded by my true friends. I am lucky enough to have been able to find people I have an immeasurable love for and cannot imagine my life without. If you’re someone who's only had a bad experience with this, it might come as a shock that nearly all of these are female friendships. 

While it might be true that some female friendships can turn into a vile competition over who looks better or who gets more attention, I believe that this is something one outgrows once they understand this subconscious behavior. As women, we are often taught that we have to compete with each other, however I would argue that once you catch yourself competing with your friends, and slowly stop the behavior, female friendships are the most powerful and beautiful experience I’ve ever had. 

We have to unlearn the instinct to compete and become secure enough in who we are as individuals in order to become secure in our friendships. With this said, I do understand that it can be immensely difficult to become secure in oneself or in other people, as it requires a certain level of vulnerability that you perhaps don’t want to share with others. Maybe you don’t even dare to allow yourself to be vulnerable because you view it as being weak, but in reality, this is one of the most important elements of a long lasting friendship. 

For a long time, I had a problem with allowing myself to be vulnerable as I perceived myself as being too open in previous friendships that ended poorly. I thought being vulnerable meant giving others the power to hurt me, so for a while, I did not let anyone see the real me. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, it was because I thought I was protecting myself by not letting anyone see what was inside. This led to a lot of superficial relationships with people I would classify as acquaintances rather than friends. I soon learned that life gets lonely when you don’t allow yourself to let anyone in. After a lot of reflection, I came to the conclusion that the friendships that ended did so for a reason and they were simply not my people. Additionally, I learned to create a balance of what I wanted to keep to myself and who I wanted to share my vulnerability with. This way, I could let others in while still keeping a part of me reserved for myself. Letting people in was a huge challenge for me, however I am incredibly happy I did, as it allowed me to have healthy, deep, and overall wonderful friendships as I got older. 

There is a certain comfort that comes with female friendships that I believe is unique. They have a certain level of understanding and love that are rare. Being able to share experiences and stories about absolutely everything and nothing at the same time is truly a beautiful thing. I adore sleepovers, wine nights, and dressing up together. Having dance parties at our apartments with 2000s music playing in the background and late night talks on the kitchen floor are moments that will always be cherished. I will always remember screaming out the lyrics to All Too Well and discussing every relationship that went wrong after our jam session came to a close. There is a specific heartwarming emotion that comes with female friendships that might not be present in other relationships. I love being able to share details about every thought that crosses my mind and know that my friends will be listening whilst sharing details about their own. The thing about female friendships is that they are so incredibly intimate that when your bestfriend is hurting you can feel your heart breaking as if the experience directly maimed you too.

I know I’m at my very happiest when I’m with my people. Whenever I see my best friends, my heart gets warm and fuzzy, and I want to be around them for as long as possible. When they tell them they’ve accomplished something great, the only thing I feel is love and pride for them. I am so happy to have talented, intelligent, beautiful, and good individuals around me. I only ever want them to feel loved and supported, and to never be nervous to share anything with me. I want us to be able to laugh, cry, and celebrate any occasion together. Female friendships are genuinely the most beautiful bonds to exist.