The Problem With Romanticizing the Past

graphic by Maria Tapia

I’m sure you’ve heard of the idiom “the grass is always greener on the other side.” For me, I think “the grass is always greener in my memories” is more fitting. When I reflect on my past, I remember most of the good moments and forget most of the bad ones. While it feels nice to look back and see past memories framed by a warm glow, sometimes this prevents me from fully appreciating the present, where I’m all too aware of my current problems and pains. At the end of the day, is this phenomenon really more of a blessing or a curse?

The main problem with romanticizing the past is that you can always notice something missing in the present. I find myself aching for moments in time when I was not tormented by the struggles that plague my current life, while conveniently forgetting that I was dealing with different issues during those times. “How did I really feel then?” I always make a conscious effort to ask myself this question, to reorient myself not only within the past moment but in the grander scheme of my life at that time. Even then, I usually find the question hard to answer. Sure, I remember I had problems but were they really that bad? When I reflect on old memories, I can never quite remember how much certain struggles truly affected me. This can be very frustrating. It is hard to focus on appreciating the present when I compare it to images from the past where all the bad parts blur and smudge, but the good parts shine in a resoundingly clear definition. 

I notice that this romanticization of the past centers most heavily around my high school years. Maybe this is a byproduct of the eye-opening transition from childhood to adulthood. Perhaps it’s the tendency for a brain always worrying about the future to seek solace in the past. One thing I am certain of – life seemed much simpler then than it does now. Back then, life was running through the school halls with friends, calm car rides home watching the sun disappear beneath the horizon, laughing so hard my stomach turned over on itself, and lazy days sprawled outside on the front yard. Deep down, I know things weren’t as easy as I remember them to be. But my brain can’t help but chirp, “Things were so good back then, why did you take it all for granted?” When I look back at the past through rose-tinted glasses, it’s no wonder those times look like the ‘golden days.’ 

The sting of reality is another side effect that accompanies romanticizing the past. Most of my beautiful, heartwarming memories are crowded with people that aren’t an integral part of my life anymore. While the adult in me knows that drifting away from these people was for the best and that this is a testimony to my growth as a person, I think both the child and teenager in me will forever mourn those losses. 

As frustrating as this romanticization can be, I remain thankful for it. There is a certain comfort in reaching to the past, and watching it wrap around me like a warm, comforting blanket. I can always rely on bright memories to cut through the clouds of my darkest, dreariest days. Romanticizing the past also makes for incredible stories – bent over laughing among friends, sitting around the kitchen table with family, an interesting anecdote to share with someone new. As someone who constantly worries about the future, the reassurance from good memories is always a welcome feeling. 

While romanticizing the past is often looked upon as something problematic or harmful, I don’t really think of this tendency as something that is “good” or “bad.” I’ve come to accept that it merely “is.” Yes, there are both negatives and positives to this way of thinking, but I don’t believe one outweighs the other. It is human nature to want what we can’t have, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy in the present. At the end of the day, romanticizing the past makes me happy to carry great memories and reminds me of the path it took me to where I am now.