It’s Not Romantic

Collage by Maryam ElSharkawy

The media our generation has consumed has poisoned a population with the idea that if someone isn’t interested in you, you should just try harder to get them. Despite the rare occasions when we see that someone is just too shy, or maybe not ready for love, like portrayed in movies and television, it is not common that someone will want you to keep trying after they’ve rejected you. The public acts of declaration, or using their friends to get to them, can make somebody feel very uncomfortable after they’ve already explained their lack of feelings for you. We all grew up seeing couples on our televisions chasing each other until they finally decided to be together. People tend to see that as reality, not the exception, causing people in this day and age to present intense signs of wanting a relationship to others who simply don’t. We are a generation obsessed with the chase, everyone wants to be sought after but also everyone wants to care enough about something to chase it. The problem with our dangerous obsession is that not everyone wants to be apart of it.

The idea that one person can simply turn down someone else because of lack of interest is heavily practiced and many people have experienced it in one way or another, but there are those who won’t accept such an un-glamorous fate. Media has poisoned the minds of our generation leading some to believe that if someone says they don’t want you, they just mean to try harder. It may also be past relationships or other examples of toxic behavior that were presented to one person to lead them to believe that chasing after someone until they want you is okay.

The behavior of pretending to agree with someone and then proceeding with your own personal agenda is a huge sign of disrespect to whomever you are trying to “win” over. Yet it’s okay, right? Since we all watched countless people pursue unwilling partners in our media until they caved, it’s such a normalized idea that somebody has to chase you in order to earn you. The concept of someone just genuinely having no interest in you doesn’t even seem fathomable, since everyone should feel honored that they are the object of someone else’s chase. 

The romantic gestures and declarations of love and passion may seem worth all the risk tied to it, but on the other end, how do you explain to someone who doesn’t even know you that they couldn’t possibly even know what loving you would be like? The moments spent together that can be seen as intimate, could just be someone in need of a friend, or somebody just needing someone else to talk to. Real bonds can form, especially after you present a facade of truly caring about someone else, yet after they keep having to explain they only want to be friends, why would you think it’s okay to keep pursuing them romantically? After a generous amount of time spent continuing to pursue them against their wishes, constantly trying to be in contact with them, getting their friends to root for you, and overall, having a hand on every aspect of their lives, do you really think if they actually chose you, you would end up together? Do you really believe that your desperate attempts were romantic enough to win them over or that you actually just have control over them finally? After so many, no’s, that it magically one day turned into a yes? Or did you finally wear them down enough and prove they really had no other option? 

I bet it feels amazing to get something you want after chasing it down for so long. But if you’re at that point, it’s already too late. You didn’t win anything, because human beings aren’t objects you can simply win over. You created an environment where you put someone on a pedestal and made yourself worthy of them by your own set standards. If you never once listened to the other person, how could you possibly think there was some sort of connection there? There can be wearing down, stalking, and obsessive behavior to win someone like a trophy, but I bet 100% every time you finally “win,” that feeling you’ve been chasing will disappear. All you will be left with is somebody you don’t even know. When you are doing all of this to get someone else despite their wishes against it, you really have to ask yourself, are you chasing them for the person or are you chasing them for the feeling that finally makes you feel good about yourself?