Rakes, Wii Remotes, & Wine Bottles: How Misinformation Can Lead to Unsafe Masturbation

Graphic by Beyza Durmuş

Recently, I chatted with my friends about the household objects we used for pleasure as teens. When we discovered the fun and excitement of masturbating in our early teens, we did not have access to sex toys, let alone we barely considered that the household items we used could have been unsafe. We simply used whatever fit. As we continued to discuss the objects we used, ranging from Wii remotes to Conair hair brushes, I realized how unsafe some of these objects could be. Why was it so common that so many of us used potentially dangerous household objects? 

Being vulva-havers, we were risking disrupting our natural pH balance and the health of our vaginas by introducing improperly cleaned household objects. Truthfully, the number of bacteria on some of these items is unimaginable. This triggered a thought, what other objects had vulva-havers used in their teens? If discussing pleasure and sex as a teen was less taboo, could we have prevented possibly harming our bodies? This realization led me to further research. I interviewed those with vaginas about their experiences with masturbation as a teen, their opinions on what might have changed if they felt comfortable discussing sex with their parents, and I explored where teens may be getting their information on pleasure today.

 (*Names changed for anonymity)

Alexis* disclosed to me, “When I was too young to buy myself a dildo or anything, I used an electric toothbrush. I also used a slim deodorant bottle, and everything ranging from hairbrush to screwdriver handles.”

Alexis and I discussed how maybe if we had access to sex toys when we were in our teens, it might have saved us from possibly harming our bodies. They reflect, “Today, my local drugstore sells a few sex toys in their condom and hygiene product aisle. I wish I had easier access to toys when I began to masturbate as a teen. Instead, I was using items that were unsafe for my vagina.”

One person I surveyed said she went as far as to use the neck of her parent’s empty wine bottles. This, of course, could be damaging to the vaginal tissue. What else could teens be using?

I spoke with Gabi*. Gabi described her traumatizing experience, “I had an extremely dangerous UTI (urinary tract infection) as a young teen because I was putting random items inside me without cleaning them properly. I was using shaving cream bottles and shampoo bottles to masturbate. I had to go to the hospital and get a shot to prevent further infection. They said the infection began to spread to my kidneys. The antibiotic and infection burned badly, but I learned my lesson.”

When chatting with Gabi, I felt a strong sense of empathy. She described her experience as “learning a lesson” as if she somehow deserved what happened to her. Perhaps, if she had access to education on pleasure, she may have avoided her traumatizing experience.

Another individual said, “Life was just me and my hairbrush handle against the world.”

Another admitted, “In high school, I used a big sharpie pen, closed, of course, to masturbate.”

I wondered if teens today are experiencing the same level of misinformation, leading me to explore where teens and children may be getting their information today.

I did a quick google search to see if there were any articles on masturbation and household items. The first article I came across, published in 2011 was, “Masturbation On A Budget: 9 Household Items That Can Give Girls An Orgasm”. The first thing that caught my attention was the use of the word “girls”. When I see the word “girl” I think of children and teens. The article goes on to list household items that you can use to masturbate. Among the multiple dangerous things listed are blenders, hammers, glue sticks, shovels, and rakes. LA Weekly published this article ten years ago – I was thirteen when it was published. As a young teen exploring my sexuality, I could have very well read this article and run with the idea to use something as dangerous as a rake. 

In addition to this article, I found questions on Quora of teens asking what household objects they could use to masturbate because they were too young to buy a sex toy. Specifically, a thirteen-year-old girl anonymously asked for advice, 

“I’m a thirteen-year-old girl and like to masturbate, but I can’t use a dildo or vibrator because I’m too young. What else could I use and how?” 

This question was not the only of its kind. There were several other questions from teens asking for masturbation advice. The questions they asked were not the problem. What worried me were the answers.

Among the horrors of answers were uneducated and unqualified suggestions: 

“Your vagina might be a little tight. I suggest anything that you can find in your home and could maybe use. For example, you could try carrots if they are the right shape and size. Cucumbers might be a little too big. But you can use whatever you want.”

 “You can use almost anything that fits.”

The most disturbing and possibly most upsetting response was, 

“I’m going on what I saw on a prison show about women behind bars. They made objects using rubber gloves or condoms (if accessible) and put things like tightly rolled cloth or a rolled-up magazine or paper covered with cloth or wax from crayons. I’d guess a candle covered with a rubber glove would work well. Taped up C or D cell batteries would also work.” 

Excuse my language, but what the fuck. MAGAZINES!? BATTERIES?!

Fortunately, among the sea of awful and dangerous suggestions, there were still a few good people on the internet who took their time to craft a thoughtful response. 

One user named Ace discloses that he is a thirty-year-old-cis-male and desperately did not want to offer his advice, but because there were so many horrifying responses, he had to butt in. Ace covers how using household objects can be very dangerous and that he even knows people who have had painful experiences using make-shift toys. He explains that masturbating is perfectly healthy and suggests that the thirteen-year-old talk to someone older they trust, such as a cousin or an older sibling, if possible. Perhaps, this way, they can gain access to a safe sex toy, preferably something that is not a rake or batteries. 

Ace offers his adult perspective and suggests that the child’s mom may be open to helping her access safe sex toys. He admits, “I know, nobody wants to talk about this stuff with their parents, but things like this seem a lot less unthinkable to talk about when you’re older”. 

Truthfully, I agree with Ace. Looking back on my younger self, I wish I had just asked my older sisters or my mom for a simple sex toy before deciding to put my wooden recorder and even strawberries in my perfectly pH balanced vagina. This is why I believe it is critical to advocate for open and safe conversation regarding sex and pleasure. 

Now that I am twenty-three, I have learned more about the sensitivity of my vagina and am very particular about what goes in it. I even have a small collection of toys meant for pleasure, Wii remotes and hammers excluded. 

Moving forward, I will advocate for open conversations on sex and pleasure. Too often, parents aim to protect their children from exploring sex and sexuality, when in reality, this makes it more likely for children and teens to explore sex and pleasure unsafely. If I have children, I will strive to form an open and empathetic relationship with them, so they know they can come to me with anything on their mind. I would much prefer to buy my child a vibrator than come across an empty can of shaving cream in their bed.