The Empowering Nature of Nudes

graphic by Lauryn Alejo

Sending nudes has become somewhat of a staple in modern romantic interactions. There’s something relaxing, empowering, and exciting in sending a cheeky photo to your partner when they least expect it. So if it’s so empowering, why is there such a negative stigma around it?

I spent isolation watching Normal People, a televised adaptation of Sally Rooney’s best-selling coming-of-age novel. The series follows the lives of two young adults, Connell and Marianne, as they discover themselves and ignite the flame of a first love. I thought it was wonderful. Every episode was refreshingly honest, raw, and beautiful. Perhaps the most touching scene, for me, occurred in episode six, where Marianne took a naked photo of herself to send to Connell. It wasn’t a major scene, or integral to the plot, but two elements, in particular, struck me. Firstly, it wasn’t overly sexualized, unlike it’s typical depictions in the cinema realm. Secondly, Marianne’s pubic hair was completely visible. This was so important to me because it depicted the sending and receiving of nudes in the modern world as it should be: intimate, fun, and most importantly – normal.

Sending nudes has become somewhat of a staple in modern romantic interactions with the rise of the internet and telecommunication. There’s something fun in sending a cheeky photo to your partner when they least expect it, or to offer a bit of a tease before seeing them later in the day. Sending nudes is empowering, relaxing, and exciting… or all of the above. So if it’s so empowering, why is there such a negative stigma around it?

Many people know that women especially are flooded with warnings, shame, and disgust when the topic of nudes arises. The media is saturated with articles aimed at guiding how to send nudes… “7 Things To Consider Before Sending Nudes” “How To Take The Sexiest Nude” “How To Take The Classiest Nude”. Our feeds are also flooded with horror stories, of when sending nudes goes wrong. As a result, the whole process becomes… profoundly unsexy. It is no longer a confidence-breeding experience, but more like a process that is riddled with fear and guilt. 

This is made even worse by the (extremely sexist) narrative that drives all of these news stories. That is, the framing that the girl is responsible for putting on the show, sending the sexiest nudes, and for not being prudish. She is expected to do/be all of the above all while being completely responsible if  things go wrong, because then everyone wonders, “why did they even send the pictures in the first place?!”

Somehow, when guys send nude images, they are completely excused by the hormone-driven, “boys will be boys” narrative. This narrative thoroughly damages their accountability and it  completely ruins the experience and the sensuality of exchanging nudes for the women. Boys are excused with ease. They’re young, they make a mistake, they just have a high sex-drive. Girls, on the other hand, despite being the same age, are held to completely different standards. The way a lot of people see it, it isn’t necessary for the girl to send anything. If something happens, she’s responsible because she was ignorant to trust a guy, and therefore, deserves all the blame.

A friend of mine, Jules*, had an intimate photo of herself sent around her school when she was 17. Not only does she remember feeling self-conscious, as everyone had seen her naked, but also she felt intense shame. She felt stupid, for sending the photo to someone that ultimately betrayed her trust, but also ashamed, for being intimate and sexual in such an overt way. 

Jules’ experience mirrors one that many women experience every single day. It makes me so, so angry, because it is reflective of the story that society has created, systematically making women feel bad about their sexuality, and removing their agency as individuals. There is no reason why women shouldn’t be able to express their sexuality like men do. But in our patriarchal world, this isn’t accepted. Women must, instead, find some make-believe perfect balance between frigid and sexy to please themselves and their partners.

We, of course, must change this narrative. A woman should be able to expect trust when it is promised by the nude-receiver. Those that leak nudes should be held accountable, in every way. Consequences for those who share nude photographs or videos without consent need to be added to the agenda of every establishment. From receiving punishments by law, to being disciplined by their school, college, or workplace, everyone must understand that they need to respect each other. 

Thankfully, legislation is beginning to catch up with the internet. There are child pornography laws, and laws against revenge-porn, in many states. As of 2019, 41 states have created specific laws outlining the distribution of revenge porn, with some resulting in prison time. What is needed, now, is for these laws to be carried out. Instead of educating girls and women on why they shouldn’t send nude photographs altogether, we should teach girls and women where to access resources, find someone to talk to, and how to take action when they need help. 

By doing so, we will set a standard that condemns revenge porn, leaking nudes, and sharing photos without consent. We send a message – and we get to embrace our sexuality, as we should. Currently, 1 in 5 women say they have experienced some form of revenge porn or distribution of intimate photos without consent. By challenging the societal acceptance of these occurrences, and normalizing punishment, we will change these numbers.

When a woman can send a nude with a sense of security and trust, and embrace her own sexuality and beauty, it can be really fun, and amazing for her self-confidence. This mutual connection between two bodies, and even self-love and appreciation, should not be embarrassing or shameful – it should help foster a powerful sexual connection.

Many women have begun to create all-female group chats, purely to send nudes. They say it brings an enormous amount of freedom and pleasure. Every image is met with wonderful affirmation, leaving everyone feeling not only safe but completely gassed-up. What’s not to like?

So instead of feeling the weight of the stigmas attached to naked photographs, I suggest that we all find our cutest (and comfiest) lingerie, strike a pose that makes us feel good, and start clicking on the camera. The internet should not be a place for shame and guilt. It should be a space for empowerment and pride – allowing us to be vulnerable at times, but ultimately, letting us love all of our insecurities and the skin we’re in.