The Love We Need
photo by Myla Jacobs
As we learn what works and what doesn’t in real time, we must be patient with ourselves and others. Although black squares on Instagram feeds for Black Out Tuesday showcase solidarity, such posts actually silence the movement by clogging valuable hashtags. When such faux pas occur, love is what we need.
Compassion and patience are clear cornerstones of love. When a (White) friend of mine with a huge Instagram following posted a photo that said “Black Lives Matter” without a caption or links to promote the cause, I became (rationally) angry. I wanted to comment “This is disappointing. You can do better than this. Thousands of young people follow you... Do more.” But years of managing passionate emotions taught me to step back and not get lost in a blinding cloud of feelings. What would that have accomplished besides embarrassing them and placing me (also a White person) on an imaginary high ground?
A private message is the answer. Reach out to your White, non-POC friends and explain how they could do better. Better educating your family and friends is an act of love. Do not boast or come to them from a place of judgment (I think that’s in the Bible somewhere, if that’s your thing). Be forgiving for they know not what they do, but also hold them accountable (sue me for plagiarism I guess @Bible!).
Although digital activism is not new, things are moving quickly during this movement. What may have worked yesterday, may not today. So, while calling on others to do better, be sure that YOU know that you can always do better as well.
To be absolutely clear, I do not mean trying to change the minds of blatantly racist Facebook “friends” or family members. Some minds, rotten with obdurate racist beliefs, refuse to be changed. They will never be worth the emotional energy.
But what about your friends that don’t feel like it's their “place” to comment on the Black Lives movement? They don’t have to post. It’s not their fight to fight, right? Hell no. That’s stupid wrong.
When White people do not use their privilege to lift up the oppressed, it is complicit with oppression. And yes, White privilege extends into every facet of life, including social media platforms. As many signs read at protests these days, “White silence is violence.”
Embed link: https://www.instagram.com/p/CA0zhFzFjLf/
Moreover, show yourself love. Tough love. Dig into what makes you feel uncomfortable and guilty, like your privilege.
This isn’t an easy job, because society has made it impossibly easy for the privileged to ignore the fact that they hold privilege.
Privileged people oftentimes don't know that they are privileged. Society makes it hard to actually see privilege unless you’re looking and looking hard. As author George Lipsitz says in The Possessive Investment in Whiteness, “Whiteness never has to speak its name.” Meaning that we see whiteness as the default, to which everything else is “different” or “other.”
In this case, love takes the form of educating yourself. Do the work and read the books.
Finally, understand that this is not about you. As white allies, it is our job to row, not steer. Author Mireille Cassandra Harper says it best in her guide to Non-Optical Allyship, “Now is not the time to insert your personal experiences into a narrative that isn’t about you. Leave your ego.”
Check in on your Black friends and colleagues, too. This is traumatic, to say the least. Again, be there to listen, not to speak. Moreover, do not ask them what you can do when the internet exists. If you can, Venmo them for a coffee or lunch. These small acts of love are the least you can do, but it’s a great place to start.
2020 has been an intense exercise in love. Since March, the pandemic has taught many to swallow their selfishness, social distance and to wear masks in order to keep their neighbor safe. Now, June calls for us to fight to keep our Black neighbors alive. At these protests, we continue to wear masks to protect ourselves and those around us while also donning protective eyewear to avoid being identified or physically harmed. As Jesus says in the Bible, at some point, “Open thy purse and love thy neighbor!!!”
Sources (in order of appearance)
Willingham, AJ. “Why Posting a Black Image with the 'Black Lives Matter' Hashtag Could Be Doing More Harm than Good.” CNN, Cable News Network, 2 June 2020, www.cnn.com/2020/06/02/us/blackout-tuesday-black-lives-matter-instagram-trnd/index.html.
Lipsitz, George. “The Possessive Investment in Whiteness: Racialized Social Democracy and the ‘White’ Problem in American Studies.” American Quarterly, vol. 47, no. 3, 1995, pp. 369–387. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/2713291. Accessed 8 June 2020.
Jeunesse, Marilyn La, and Kelsey Borovinsky. “62 Books by Black Authors We're Reading in 2020.” Teen Vogue, Teen Vogue, 7 June 2020, www.teenvogue.com/story/books-by-black-authors-2020
Harper, Mireille Cassandra. “10 Steps To Non-Optical Allyship.” Twitter, Twitter, 29 May 2020, twitter.com/mireillecharper/status/1266335563197501440.