The Struggles of Taking Nudes When You're in Recovery and How to Help

**TW: Mentions eating disorder recovery 

As someone who had to be in a long distance relationship due to the lovely coronavirus, I completely understand the importance of sending some spicy pictures when you're in a relationship. Yes, I'm talking about nudes.

But I ran into a bit of an issue with my current boyfriend. I had sent nudes before to a good amount of people (we don’t judge here) but the problem was that with my current boyfriend, it was my first time sending pictures of my “new” body. 

After a long battle with an eating disorder I am finally in a place where I am happy and healthy. But, inevitably with recovery comes weight gain. My body looks different than it did the last time that I sent nudes. And the idea of taking a picture of my body scares me a little bit because it reminds me of some of the rituals like body checking. 

One day, over the summer, my boyfriend asked if I could send him nudes and I said yes. But throughout the day, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I found that I was denying myself snacks so I would look “better for him.” (I don't need to point out the obvious flaws in this statement but I will, anyways). First, skinnier does NOT equal better and second, I shouldn’t let what anyone thinks of my body change how I feel about myself. 

By the end of the day I decided I didn't want to send the pictures. So I didn’t. It doesn't matter if it’s in person or over the phone, if you feel uncomfortable performing a sexual act you don't have to do it, and if the person you are with is a good person, they won't mind. 

About a week later I felt comfortable and I was able to move away from that toxic mindset and I sent him some pretty hot pictures, if I do say so myself. 

Some of us are totally confident snapping a sexy mirror pic and sending it right away. But, for some who might have a complicated relationship with their bodies, taking pictures like this can feel pretty overwhelming. 

If you're uncomfortable sending nudes to your partner it goes without saying that you do not have to. Under no circumstances should your partner ever pressure you into sending pictures like that. And if you’re under the age of 18 there are a lot of complicated child pornogrophy laws that I don’t think you want to get caught up in. But if you are of age and feeling it… here are my official tips and tricks on sending nude photos! 

1. Lighting is SO important, natural lighting is the best but I understand that a lot of these interactions happen at night. So don’t be afraid to play around with your lighting. I find that having colorful lights in your room always makes things interesting

2. Ask what they're into, everyone knows the old “boob guy or butt guy” question. If you know what your partner is into, it’s a lot easier to get them excited and it might help keep you from stressing out about how your whole body looks if you’re focusing on one thing. 

3. Make a show of it. Buy some cute underwear, start with your clothes on and take some tease pictures and slowly take them off. And if you are uncomfortable, leaving some clothes or underwear on can be just as sexy. Don't forget it's about your enjoyment as well. 

4. Show off your assets. Look up some poses you can do to show off what you like about yourself. 

5. Poses are really important to taking good pictures. Mirror selfies are always a safe choice and a great way so show off your ass. Laying in bed with a high angle is a great one because it looks so effortless yet so hot. Try different things out, different poses, different angles. Shit, maybe even throw in a self timer picture, the world is your oyster (and oysters are aphrodisiacs). 

6. It's a good rule of thumb to never show your face in pictures because who knows where they can end up. So I suggest to keep your face out of frame or really know the person you’re sending it to. 

7. Confidence is sexy!! If you appear confident I guarantee your partner will feel it and that is one of the sexiest things you can do. 

Now, with great power comes great responsibility, so be careful. Remember that your body is beautiful and sending someone nudes is a way to be really vulnerable with someone. I understand that after struggling with body image issues, showing someone that part of you can be really scary, so enjoy taking that step.