The ‘I’m Not Like Other Girls’ Phenomenon From an Ex ‘I’m Not like Other Girls’ Girl
graphic by Maryam ElSharkawy
Unless you have been living under a rock for the last few months (no judgment if you have, I wish I had been) you will have seen the countless resurfaced memes and commentary pieces centered around The Girl who is, in every ounce of her being, not like The Other Girls.
This comment is often made alongside a quirky trait that women aren’t “supposed” to have, such as not wanting to wear high heels or skirts, not wearing make-up, or, god forbid, not wanting to shave.
Ironically, using the phrase “I’m not like other girls” is a laughable quip referencing the problematic mindset of its unironic users, but unironically it reveals a worrying and somewhat misogynistic trend.
To delve into this phenomenon and investigate where this desire to be as disconnected from The Other Girls as possible comes from, we need a case study.
Thankfully for you, you are currently reading the words of an individual who, aged 13-15, couldn’t have thought of anything worse than being grouped with the other girls.
Five years on and having left the “I’m not like other girls” mindset firmly in 2015, I want to do a deep dive into the reasons behind this hatred of femininity that is seemingly ingrained into women.
“I am never going out again. I am a disgrace.”
A distinct memory from my teens was my dislike for female singers and girl bands. Girl bands were girly. Girl bands liked the color pink. They wore skirts and dresses and lipstick.
I wasn’t like them, in fact, I made it my entire personality to really, really hate them.
I denied myself entire genres of music because the women within them were too basic and too many of my girly school friends, who I was convinced didn’t understand me, liked them.
I was too quirky for the Top 40 hits of Little Mix. I was too much of a tomboy to relate to the femininity of Lana Del Rey. I was too cold and quiet and interesting for the crassness of Ke$ha.
I was small, pale, and my wardrobe consisted of only black or red clothing. I wasn’t the idea of feminine beauty, which by this point I resented because, to me, it was everything I wasn’t.
I instead opted for the incredibly male-dominated world of emo music and, in doing so, accidentally launched myself into the throes of the “I’m not like other girls” mindset.
This is perfectly illustrated by my pure embarrassment and disgust when I purchased what I thought was a Black Veil Brides poster in HMV only to find as I unrolled it when I got home that I had picked up a Little Mix one by mistake.
I distinctly remember being so worried that someone would think I purchased the poster on purpose that I had to post about it on Facebook.
*insert screenshot of my status about poster*
Little did I know that in excluding myself from the feminine stereotypes and publicly promoting the idea that they are undesirable and laughable, I was simply setting feminism, something I thought I was amplifying by identifying in a less stereotypical way, back centuries.
By purposefully pointing out all the things I was proud not to be, I was encouraging the sexism and hatred shrouding femininity, dragging all the other young girls down with me.
“I just have more of a natural look”
The modern “I’m not like other girls” girl, who seems usually to be white, middle class, and conventionally attractive, chooses her fashion very carefully, putting in a lot of effort to look as though she made the least amount of effort possible.
The denouncement of “feminine clothing” (already a problematic phrase) such as short skirts, heels, and the color pink, is something that on the surface can understandably feel empowering as you break away from a sexist norm.
However, a problematic feature of this new genre of alt-girl, who wears loose-fitting old sweaters and “doesn’t fit in with the girly girls,” is that their same look on a less-well-off or larger body would cause them to be laughed at.
Her same outfit on a poorer girl would make her a “chav,” and on a larger body would be ridiculed.
Therefore, this version of the “I’m not like other girls” girl is especially problematic as she is, in essence, just like other girls in that she is privileged and can afford to purchase lots of effortlessly cute outfits that her less-well-off peers cannot.
When it comes to make-up, The Girl often proclaims that she has “more of a natural look,” or that she “doesn’t really like wearing make-up” as if this is a revolutionary badge of honor.
In doing so, and possibly as a byproduct of attempting to stand out or impress men who now seem to want to demonize the modern woman for wearing make-up, The Girl is once again reinforcing the idea that the more stereotypically masculine way of existing is desirable as she brags about not needing the feminine attributes that her peers enjoy and are validated by.
*insert screenshot of tweet about less make up*
This is a deeply problematic trend, as not only is The Girl, probably subconsciously, allowing her lifestyle to be dictated by male attraction to her, but her ability to feel comfortable and presentable bare-faced causes The Other Girl who does not feel the same, to feel undesirable.
Make-up or no make-up, girly clothes, or the effortless look, it is important that girls don’t end up demonizing each other to impress the gender that is responsible for the internalized misogyny fuelling this phenomenon.
“I prefer pizza to salads…”
One of the most potentially damaging trends that The Girl who is not like The Other Girls perpetuates is the idea that they are controversial, unfeminine, and quirky for enjoying food.
The Girl is often observed wearing her diet of “unhealthy” food as a badge of honor, which inherently not an issue, but the idea that they’re not like the majority of girls for indulging in Dominos suggests being a typical girl you should not do the same.
Furthermore, the entire idea that enjoying pizza more than a leafy salad is nothing new, in fact, I don’t know a single person, no matter their gender, who would choose a Chicken Caeser over a deep-pan Margherita.
In many cases, it seems The Girl is using her “unhealthy” diet as a sort of hidden brag in an “I eat what I want and don’t gain weight” type of fashion, which can be hugely upsetting and damaging for other girls who struggle with weight gain and feel insecure because of it.
This is seen all the time in popular culture where a celebrity constantly posts pictures of them posing with junk food and remaining incredibly slim, without disclosing the rigorous exercise and diet regime that goes on behind the scenes.
*insert pic of Jenners*
This incredibly worrying trend of food comparison and bragging about how “un-feminine” your diet is amplifies ideas that femininity is eating less, a mindset that could lead to weight loss, restriction, and possibly disordered eating cycles.
Perhaps without meaning to, or perhaps purposefully, The Girl encourages other girls to wish they could be like her and, by pointing out how unusual she is, promotes the idea that as a “normal” woman, being on a diet is expected.
***
The Girl wants painfully to stand out, to not be lumped in with the things that they identify as both “negative” and “feminine”, and herein lies the catalyst to the phenomenon.
Feminine traits are still viewed by young girls as undesirable.
This is observed in everyday, unavoidable discourse present in every child’s life regardless of upbringing, in phrases like “you throw like a girl” if you are bad at sports, or “don’t be such a girl” when a child cries.
If negativity is the only thing you are taught about your gender identity, why would you not want to denounce its traits and attributes as soon as you can?
Another driving force seems to be the growing trend in the approval of men for being as anti-feminine as possible.
Huge numbers of men are taking to social media to share their opinions on what makes a “good” woman, most of which constitute going against stereotypes of women.
If you want to be liked, which as a human you can’t help but yearn for, why would you not suppress the parts of yourself which you are told aren’t so attractive?
In essence, the “I’m not like other girls” phenomenon is a tedious trend and a mindset that is easy to find yourself stuck in since it is in the human condition to feel like no one understands you and to worry that you don’t fit in.
You do not need to isolate yourself, to denounce the behavior and actions of others, who are simply trying to forge their own identity as a woman, in order to feel more at home in yourself.
We must uplift each other, make-up or no make-up, heels or trainers, pizza or salad because the negative mindset and stereotypes surrounding femininity are already bad enough.
On behalf of girls everywhere, please don’t make it worse.