A New Type of Loneliness Post Quarantine

Something on Twitter was trending for a while where it said “Post the last normal pic on your camera roll before the world shut down.” People posted their last blurry drunk photos, their all nighters spent at their college library “studying,” or something as simple as snapping a picture of the last Starbucks drink they ordered in person and not from GrubHub. Then, yeah, March 13th came and we, or at least I, thought my life would be on hold for as little as a week. It’s now October and I have to take a gap year. I haven’t seen my closest friends in seven months and I’m all alone in New York as cases begin to rise...again. 

Oddly what I remember about the dreadful day in March was how the group chats were FLOODING that day. I love when you get to be such close friends with someone that you get a sense of their own texting style. These texts were different, they were all the same. It was a communal feeling of heavy sadness and fear. No emojis, no caps, just words we felt we must say to one another before we part ways. There were many vows to keep in touch and FaceTime one another every chance we got. That was one moment that day where I felt ok, relieved that I had a family outside of the family I ended up being stuck with all summer. I FaceTimed my friends maybe once a month as the group chat slowly got quieter and quieter to the point where I didn't hear from friends weeks at a time. Even when I would sum up the courage to send an “IMY” text to someone, it would usually be replied by an “i miss you too” then BOOM...the conversation is over. Yes, a disclaimer that everyone was and is going through their own personal shit show due to the pandemic and it’s very understandable that communication with peers at this time is altered. However, it was the total silence that got to me. 

Even with the debilitating lack of interaction that remained all summer, I tried to keep up my optimism, saying to myself that I would just have to endure these last few months at home before I get to give the people I love a violent bear hug. “Things will return to some sense of normalcy.,” I thought.  Now that I’m in the same location as some of these people I referred to as “family,” the status of our relationships has stayed the same as it did in quarantine - almost non-existent. We became just another acquaintance to each other, another instagram follower, and just another person you expect to hear from once a year on your birthday. This goes out to anyone who has permanently lost friends, connections and support systems, and finds no hope of getting it back. 

No later than a month ago, a Bloomberg article came out about how the isolation is affecting young people the most. It discusses how teens and young adults are going through a very real depression and that there is a lack of empathy for our generation dealing with it. It made me think about how my 20th birthday is coming up. My 20’s are going to begin with a unique type of loneliness and confusion. For anyone reading this who can relate, I’m sure you have heard many times the cliche “everything happens for a reason”. I know it’s never easy to believe that, I myself am still not a believer in that. But MAYBE there is a way to look at this dilemma from that angle. A lot of you have either entered your 20’s or will soon. As you are about to enter this life-defining decade of yours, you NEED to surround yourself with people you can rely on. When you are crying at one in the morning listening to Ribs by Lorde, you need people who you don’t feel like a burden calling-I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. If these people felt no need to keep in touch with you when you are and were at your lowest, your family’s lowest, the countries lowest, then they’re certainly not people to trust when times are back to “normal.” Although, I don’t think I know what that word means, anymore. At a time in our lives when it’s easier to meet the people we truly connect with, there is also so much fakeness that comes with it. Make yourself more aware of who is being real with you. You deserve the utmost attention, respect and care from your friends. All of you are entering this very fast phase of adulting together-you might as well have each others backs, honestly. 

Lastly, usually a follow up to when people say to drop bad friends is to just…”find new friends.” That always annoyed and perplexed me at the same time. How am I just going to miraculously find new friends when I have the social skills of a brick. Friend groups form for a reason, those were the people you vibed with the most so it just clicks. It always angered me when people expected me to find that same connection so simply. This is where my unpopular opinion comes in. If you don’t like your old friends or where you are currently with your relationships, don’t task yourself with finding new friends, but rather, learn how to get comfortable in your loneliness. Make yourself productive, prepare for those boring weekend nights, find the joy in doing things in solitude. You will find new friends again. You will. But in this part of life when you are alone, think of it as independence rather than loneliness. You don’t always have to have a social circle or a group. Being alone is cool, it took me a very very very long time to realize that. I had no other choice but to sit in that feeling and come out with a positive outlook.