Are You Listening? A Guide to Proper Ear Play

When it comes to the infamous “bases”—whether that be first, second or the lucky third—ears tend to be left out of the picture…understandably so. After all, when we think of “sexy,” we don’t tend to think about ears and, in the heat of the moment, usually focus on the good stuff. But here’s my case: paying attention to lesser-known erogenous zones can add a lot of playfulness to your sex life and can help build intimacy with your partner. 

Erogenous zones are areas of the body with heightened sensitivity capable of producing a sexual response; some more well-known zones include nipples, butts, and, of course, genitals. Ears are just one of those zones that are usually kicked to the curb—accompanied by the nape of the neck and inner wrist, among others. Ears are highly sensitive, with hundreds of sensory receptors that make them highly sensitive to stimulation (wink, wink). But ears can be a bit tricky—you don’t want to go all wet willy on your partner. Here’s a small guide to introducing ear play into your sex life, and how to be good at it. 

Keep things light. 

Because ears are so sensitive, to pull, lick or bite especially hard can be a disservice. Ears are sensual, and the sensory experience that they can offer reacts better to soft touches. Breathing softly across them, using your teeth and tongue gently, and using your fingers to trace rather than squeeze/pull/pinch will go a long way. The same thing goes for using your voice; keep to a whisper to avoid any discomfort. 

Start and stay subtle. 

One of the most fun parts of ear play is that it’s super low-key. A hot, breathy murmur of pillow talk into your partner’s ear while having sex is a great way to spice up the moment—or it can serve as a subtle hint of what’s to come later on if you’re in a more public space. Tucking your partner’s hair behind their ear is also an indistinct but intimate way to show affection, while also touching on the ear’s hypersensitive nerve endings. 

Know your target. 

Different parts of the ear require different tactics. The most sensitive part of the ear is the lobe, which makes it most sensitive to kissing, nibbling, and biting. The outer helix responds well to soft manual touches, while the inner ear is a playground for light blowing and dirty talk. 

Set the mood.

When it comes to ear play, we can’t undermine the auditory experience. Most of the time, naughty talk and words of encouragement are appreciated in bed. Leaning close and quietly telling your partner (bonus points if you whisper it into their ear) how much you love them, how good they feel, or how attractive they are can elevate any sexual experience. Opening up about any sexual fantasies, too, can add a little exploration to the mix and help both parties get into their heads. 

Sexy playlists can also be of use here—especially ones that you’ve made together—while ambient noise machines can soothe, comfort, and destress. On the flip side, having no external noise at all can also be a major turn-on; focusing only on each other—individual breaths and sighs, the rustle of the sheets—can be an extremely intimate experience. 

Listen. 

Though simply listening extends far beyond aural play, those who listen are also those who know. When you’re being intimate with your partner, listen to their reactions—what makes their breath catch, or what makes them pull you closer. Noticing these reactions is a sign of attuned intimacy and can help you figure out what your partner likes—if they don’t tell you themselves that is. Listening to your partner in bed can also be arousing, as well as listening to yourself. Listen to what feels good, and how you and your partner react to it. 

Whether you’re looking for an excuse to slip some sweet nothings into your partner’s ear while in the elevator, or exploring a new dimension of your sex life, ear play is subtle, sweet, and intimate—and incredibly underrated. Don’t be afraid to try out some pillow talk or a delicate kiss—there’s a good chance it won’t go unappreciated.