Bringing Someone Home When You Have Roommates

Aside from the whole “getting a degree” aspect of college (arguably, the most important one), roommates are a big part of the traditional experience. For a lot of students, it’s the first time they share such an intimate space with a total stranger—depending on what kind of room you have, you might have to share a bathroom, a bedroom, or an entire apartment. It can be a big adjustment, and with a whole new spectrum of boundaries—especially when it comes to dating. While the two may seem entirely separate, if you ever plan on bringing someone back to your dorm, there are a few things you need to consider. 

Communication is key.

First thing’s first: the ground rules. It’s safe to say that a few ground rules can go a long way when it comes to making sure every roommate is living comfortably. While the first thing we think of might be proper hygiene or not screaming at a Fortnite match at two in the morning, these boundaries apply to your dating scene, too. A large part of being a good roommate is communication—and, yes, that includes your love life. While your roommate(s) might not need to know all the dirty details, there’s a good chance they’ll want to know if you’re in a serious relationship or bringing a new person into your shared space. Make sure that they’re comfortable with you having a romantic visitor or having a sleepover. If you’re feeling secure enough to broach the subject, it may also be appreciated to mention if you’re planning on having sex. Some people might not feel at ease with that, so it’s important to ask if you aren’t living in a completely private space. 

In general, a head’s up is always good—though an in-depth conversation about boundaries is a definite way to make sure everyone’s on the same page. Ask your roommate if they're comfortable with your Tinder date coming up for a few hours, or if they’d rather cap your S.O. sleepover at two days instead of three. You might not agree at first, but that’s what talking it out is for. 

It may also be helpful to compare schedules so you can enjoy the company of your risqué visitor with a little more privacy. Map out when you have your classes or club meetings—or when your roommate is making any trips home—so that way you can have your hot date come around during the most convenient times.

Give them a proper introduction.

A proper “I’m Jane Doe, nice to meet you” introduction is especially important if you want this date to stick around. Because whether your one-night stand really lasts for one night or eventually turns into something more, your roommates are a constant. That being said, it doesn’t hurt to get your lover on their good side—and vice versa. A few funny stories won’t cut it here or make up for the fact that they’ll probably be seeing a lot more of each other. See it as introducing your S.O. to a good friend, who you live with.

Respect each other’s spaces.

This one goes without saying, but no one wants to think about a random stranger getting hot and heavy in their bed. If you’re sharing a tight room, make sure you’re being hygienic and keeping your space in your space—meaning don’t let any leftovers from your sexual escapades find their way to the other side of that invisible boundary. Don’t let your partner sit or crash on your roommate’s bed or discard any clothing on their side of the room. Treat their space like you’d want yours to be treated—left alone. The same goes for any common spaces in your apartment, like the kitchen, living room, or bathrooms. Sure, it sounds pretty exciting until your roommate unexpectedly walks in on you at three in the morning. 

Have a “secret” signal. 

We’ve all heard of the classic “sock on the door” sex signal—the “I brought someone home, here’s your warning” signal. While the iconic sock is an option—or a classy sock emoji—your signal can be pretty much anything: an eggplant emoji, a gif of Danny Devito (if you’re feeling nasty), or just a quick text. This can be super helpful if you jumped the gun last minute and got caught up in the heat of the moment…but it’s also not an excuse to lock your roommate out of the dorm. The secret signal doesn’t justify barring your roommate from getting their laptop, taking a shower, or going to sleep. It’s just a head’s up—not a free pass. At least not always.

Bringing someone home while you have roommates may not seem ideal, but it is just a matter of communication and mutual respect. Living in a dorm is one of the most iconic parts of the typical college experience, and everyone wants to make their living conditions the best that they can be. Oftentimes, any issues between roommates can be resolved with a sentence or two; don’t be afraid to take the extra step toward making sure you’re both getting the most out of your college experience—dating or otherwise.