Legality vs. Morality: Age Difference Relationships
Graphic by Maryam ElSharkawy
Practically everyone counted down the days until they turned 18. It felt like somehow once you turn 18, a switch would be flipped and the world would finally treat you and look at you as an adult. Practically everyone realized soon after turning 18 that not much changes. At least, not at first. The average 18-year-old is still in high school, unable to drink, and with years of brain development ahead of them.
An 18-year-old is not going to get hired for a leading position at a workplace, even if they meet all the requirements and expertise for the role. An 18-year-old is not allowed to rent a car, despite being a legal adult. Why? Because, while 18 does mark the beginning of legal adulthood, essentially nothing has changed from age 17, not immediately. An 18-year-old does not have the lived experience and wisdom of those even just a few years older than them.
With this logic, why are these rules of maturity not applied when it comes to romantic or sexual relationships with young adults.
Understanding that there is virtually no difference between the ages 17 and 18 becomes a bit jarring when you realize how many people wait on minors to turn 18 to pursue them sexually and/or romantically.
Grooming is the act of a predator slowly creating trust within the child they intend to sexually abuse. Many cases of grown adults getting in relationships with those just entering adulthood start with some sort of platonic relationship starting while the younger partner is still a minor. Slowly the older partner builds trust with their target, priming them to be a romantic or sexual partner once they reach adulthood.
You’ve seen it a thousand times, some older celebrity getting into a romantic relationship with someone who is barely legal. Back in 2015 when then 25-year-old rapper Tyga dated then 17-year-old Kylie Jenner, or in 2017 when Scott Disick— a 34-year-old father of three—started dating 18-year-old Sofia Richie.
This is not just a celebrity phenomenon either. It’s the same when a college senior dates your high school senior friend, or when your 20-year-old cousin gets engaged to that 33-year-old.
In 2015, a former 37-year-old teacher married his 18-year-old student. Though he lost his job for having sexual relations with a student, he faced no legal repercussions because she was of legal age. A more famous case of a teacher marrying a student is Mary Kay Letourneau, who was charged after she raped her 13-year-old student back in 1997. She was charged with this crime, spending seven years in prison. However, she legally married the student in 2005 when she was released from prison.
Yes, it is technically legal for an adult to engage with someone sexually after they reach legal age. But, when has legality been the gauge for whether or not something is morally sound? Until 1993, husbands were legally allowed to rape their wives. Conversion therapy is still legal in 30 states. There are no direct laws banning cannibalism. Hell, remember when slavery was legal for 300 years?
That being said, it is pretty obvious that the U.S. doesn’t have the best track record of equating legality to morality.
To make matters worse, many of those in government positions have been accused of being predators. According to AP News, between 2017 and 2019, there were over 90 state lawmakers accused of sexual misconduct.
If those creating the laws are sexual predators themselves, why would it make sense to see the laws they set as morally sound. A great deal of those who ask why it is wrong for an older man to get with a young girl can also admit that the U.S. justice system is corrupt.
Why would the corruption of the justice system suddenly fly out the window when it is convenient?
It’s not just the maturity difference that makes it wrong for an older person to go after someone barely legal. There is a power dynamic at play. A 30-year-old man has power over a teenage girl, whether or not either party realizes or wants to admit it.
Many cannot even imagine being friends with a teenager at age 25, even if they are of legal age, due to the maturity difference. Why would this suddenly be okay just because they are in a relationship?
If a full-grown adult is going after someone who has just exited high school and has just barely left childhood, it raises the question of why they can’t find someone their own age. Possibly it’s the reduced wiggle room for manipulation or control. The lack of naivety found in older adults is a factor as well. Perhaps this person is lacking in areas that will not work for older romantic partners but will not phase someone who is just entering adulthood. For some, it could simply be the feeling of power they hold over a younger, naive person.
A common argument is that there are often large age gaps in adult relationships, which is very true. However, there is a significant difference between a 30 and 39-year-old in a relationship and a 21 and 30-year-old in a relationship. Analyzing brain development, life experience, relationship experience, and wisdom are all necessary to determine whether or not an age difference is ethical or not.
Even the most mature and level-headed of young adults can be taken advantage of. If there is a major imbalance of the level of relationship and life experience between two partners, the more experienced will always have power over their partner.
We must begin to protect the young adults in our lives while checking the adults who may have ill-intent against them.