Let’s Talk About Celibacy

Hook-up culture has never really been my thing. 

In fact, it’s so not my thing that I’m 20 years old and have never experienced the notorious “hoe phase”- what seems to be a right of passage today amongst the young, progressive, and attractive.  

It’s just not in me, no pun intended. 

Now, I don’t say this in a “pick me” kind of way, nor in a manner that points to my internalized misogyny, which we all have. My lack of casual promiscuity is something that I’m deeply private, and even a little bit embarrassed, about.

As a college student in New York City, hook-up culture is the lay of the land. And I’m often given a simple ultimatum: “get it on” or move along. While most of my peers are more than willing to go home with that hot guy at the bar, I typically go home with little more than a dollar slice of pizza. And it’s left me wondering more times than I’d like to admit, “is something wrong with me?”

In a social climate where female empowerment is a direct derivative of sexual liberation, young women today are expected to embrace hypersexuality. 

Writer Mia Marion released a YouTube video last February in which she discussed her decision to practice celibacy, which came as a shock to her following who can regularly view her adult content on OnlyFans.

“Talking about not having sex feels weirdly more intimate than talking about being sexually active,” said Marion. “To have sex is par, and to do anything other than have sex, i.e. not have sex, is operating outside of the norm.”

Marion cites this as her reason for keeping her celibacy under wraps for over a year. In 2021, it is practically unlawful to be an inherently sexual being and yet abstain from sex. 

While I’m not practicing celibacy personally, I found myself in deep alignment with some of the reasons that people do, particularly those around spirituality. What has now replaced “sex” as a “dirty word,” celibacy is not only abstinence of sex, but the reclamation of one’s power. 

People choose to be celibate for a myriad of reasons, though the practice is most commonly associated with religious beliefs. In 2021, however, young singles are increasingly choosing celibacy to reclaim their bodies, and ultimately have a better grip on their lives. 

Victoria Devall, known as @victoriadevall on TikTok and Instagram, has dedicated her platform to both female empowerment and celibacy, two seemingly contradictory entities in 2021. Devall has amassed over 300,000 followers across her social media pages through posts that read things such as, “Don’t let anyone who doesn’t see you as a gift unwrap the present.” In another TikTok, she warns women to “be selective with the men you allow to touch you. Your body stores emotions and remembers the times it was touched by hands lacking reverence, including your own.” 

While she is in a happy relationship now, one where she shows her large following what a “healthy relationship” looks like, Devall’s TikTok account indicates her support of celibacy, saying “one of the best things you can do for your health is to only be intimate with men who honor you in every way.”

While her words can be seen as problematic, and even inherently misogynistic, as it feeds into society’s approval of the “fragile and demure” woman, whilst disapproving of the one who entertains ill-intentioned men, Devall actually supports a growing logic for why young people are choosing to practice celibacy.

“Celibacy is an energy process in order to be one with the self and the world,” HINDZ told his half-million YouTube subscribers last March. “Once we have deeper knowledge of ourselves, we have a deeper knowledge of the world.”

The spiritual guru, known for having mind-blowingly inspirational conversations with his subscribers over a cup of tea, began his video by proclaiming that he would be celibate for the rest of his life. This does not mean that he would abstain from sex until he dies, but rather that he will be “a practitioner of celibacy for the rest of my life, bringing it back whenever it is necessary,” said HINDZ. 

HINDZ makes the important point that the practice of celibacy is not one exclusive to women, but rather a tool for everyone, single or partnered, to maintain proper spiritual health. 

To practice celibacy is to reorganize, revitalize, and redirect one’s energy. HINDZ reminded his followers in the same video that sexual energy is the strongest energy of all, creating not only life but art. When we use it incorrectly, he says, we drain ourselves of this incredibly vital energy.

Through celibacy, HINDZ quit everything that was not “in alignment” with him, including drinking and drugs, while Devall cites gaining a heightened sense of self-worth and self-respect. 

Whether you choose to engage in hookup culture, practice celibacy or find yourself somewhere in the middle with me, is a personal decision, one that requires a lot of thought. Whichever path you choose, however, be sure that it serves you in every way