The Pressure of Social Media on Romantic Relationships

Social media brings with it a whole onslaught of pressures, perhaps mainly the expectation of portraying this picture-perfect life. Romantic relationships are no exception to that rule and there seems to be an unspoken pressure about having to portray your ‘perfect’ relationship online. Whether that is through a smiley photo, a picture of roses your partner sent you or just generally keeping up appearances, I think it’s interesting to examine the pressures of social media on a romantic relationship.

Back in 2012, when I was 14 and in middle school, if you had a relationship, it wasn’t official until it was on Facebook. (I use the term relationship loosely, as we were still only 14). Relationships from a young age were completely public, gossiped about and dissected by your peers. Immediately, this dynamic set the romantic relationships up to be a spectacle, but how did that translate to adulthood?

In both the romantic relationships that I have had as an adult, there has been a case of wondering when to first post each other on Instagram. That may seem a tad contrived, but especially when a picture of you and your girlfriend depicts coming out as queer to the online world, it can be daunting. However, right from that first post, your relationship is curated into something that can be put on social media. Whether that be from a certain pose you do or a certain filter, your romantic relationship begins its social footprint. 

But what if your partner has no photos of you on their social media at all? What is the acceptable amount of time to be together, without your face appearing anywhere on their account? When can you ask, are you trying to hide me? I am sure that there are individuals that are unfaithful and want to use their social media as a dating app, so having photos of their partner on there would ruin their single image. However, I think some people like to retain an element of privacy. When I introduced my partners on my social media previously (I say like an influencer with my 250 followers), it did feel like an intimate display of ‘here is my partner please like this photo to show that you approve’. 

After the initial post comes the minefield of what is an acceptable interaction with others on social apps. This will entirely depend on individual preference and boundaries, but if you like another person’s photo of the gender you are attracted to, will that upset your partner?

My issue with this links back to my uncomfortableness with social media in general and how, actually, this isn’t a truly exclusive romantic relationship experience. I find it odd how as soon as your relationship is marked on your social profiles, it can feel a bit like you have to keep up the appearance.

Now, this could just be me and no one else feels this type of absurd pressure (partly why I have recently deleted my Instagram account permanently), but there is an element of keeping up the image that you are still together.

In the past, my friends and I have definitely fixated on celebrity couples and obsessed over whether they are still together. We would analyse both partner’s social media and be able to count every deleted post, see whether they still liked the other’s photos and whether they posted anything that hinted at their relationship status.

There are also potential other questions such as, should you delete photos of the two of you together after you have broken up? Is it okay to have photos of your ex on your Instagram when you have a new partner? 

You might be reading this and thinking, that sounds like a You problem. Perhaps this is just another example of my disdain for social media. A lot of what I have mentioned above is not exclusive to romantic relationships. For example, elements of being performative for social media: let’s get this nice photo of us for Instagram not to just have a nice photo of us, and also, comparing yourself to other relationships: well for Valentine’s day I just got a bundle of 5 white roses when Mary posted on her ‘gram that Dan had bought her 50 red roses, am I not worth 50 red roses?

Perhaps I am too negative and perhaps I am just bored of the way I feel social media has negatively penetrated elements of my real life. I fully accept that this might be a ‘me’ problem and probably most people can use social media healthily, but I am quite sick of feeling pressured to portray my life in a certain way or always having to get that photo for Instagram. I have decided enough is enough.

However, I do stand by the claim that finding the boundary of what you’re comfortable with on social media is another potentially unnecessary added pressure of a relationship, whether that be romantic, family or friendship.