Untamed by Glennon Doyle: A Book Review

I have always loved reading. As a child, I would soak up the words of Enid Blyton’s fantasy stories, dreaming about being in my own boarding school or flying away on a wishing chair. As I got older, Jacqueline Wilson and Cathy Cassidy’s wild characters were companions to my teen years. Still, to this day, I can get lost in a novel to the point where time slips away.

As of last year, one thing I hadn’t read much of was Queer literature. Of course, I’d read novels throughout my time that featured Queer characters, but I had never sought out to read stories solely focused on the Queer experience. 

In late 2020, my wonderful friend Ellie started an LGBTQ+ book club. One week, we were suggested to read Untamed by Glennon Doyle. I had honestly never heard about this book before but it had rave reviews by Adele, so I thought it had to be good.

Untamed is the third memoir by Glennon Doyle featuring many bite-sized chapters sharing details of her life. These chapters often have a moral takeaway that leaves you closing the book to let what she has revealed sink in.

She writes about meeting her now wife and navigating that with her ex-husband. She writes about love, addiction, mental health, Queer issues, religion and more. (This book has something for everyone.)

As far as the actual structure goes, at first, I wasn’t too keen. When I say bitesize, I mean like 2-3 pages, sometimes longer. I found this a bit hard to get into in the beginning, as it is super fast-paced and features topics that you’d like a little more explanation on...more than what she gives. 

However, after finishing the memoir, I realised that this is part of the charm of the book. It gives YOU space to reflect on what you just read. By pausing after a chapter to think, “huh, I’ll let that sit with me for a minute” before continuing.

I found the writing style slightly jarring and the constant philosophising about some menial things irritating, at certain times. Overall, I think this is a gemstone of a memoir. 

Whenever any woman talks about their Queer experience, I will gladly listen with wide eyes. However, it gives a different perspective when a woman talks about falling in love with a woman whilst also having been married to a man and previously not questioning her sexuality. I can only speak as a 22-year-old woman, but it’s refreshing to hear someone older talk about how they found love for a woman and fell wholeheartedly in love.

Although Untamed is not centred around sexuality, it is a big part of her life experience and consequently, a lot of chapters touch on how it has affected her life.

One chapter, in particular, permission slips, details her reaction to someone telling her that she shouldn't be lambasted for her sexuality. She was born that way, therefore, it’s not something that she can change.

‘And what if I demand freedom not because I was “born this way” and “can’t help it” but because I can do whatever I choose to do with my love and my body from year to year, moment to moment - because I’m a grown woman who does not need any excuse to live however I want to live and love whomever I want to love?

What if I don’t need your permission slip because I’m already free?’

After I read that chapter especially, I had to pause and take a moment. 

No one chooses to be Queer - you just are. I really adore this reaction, as it puts a middle finger to the face of people that ignore the fact that you might be super happy and proud to be gay.

This passage struck a nerve with me, a thought that I had never really fleshed out before. 

It is no secret that being Queer can be challenging at times, to say the least. You are perpetually in a state of coming out, fearing violent homophobia, and battling to be seen in a heteronormative world. 

However, with all of those obstacles, if I did have a choice - I would still choose to be Queer.

Glennon is totally right - ‘you can’t even help it’ is something you would say to a puppy that hasn’t been potty trained yet. Ah, they can’t help it! They’re only a puppy! It is not something you say to a grown woman when she is talking about the hate she receives for simply loving her wife.

I think this struck a chord with me because it negates our own agency. I have not chosen to be Queer but I own my Queerness.

I love being a WLW and all that comes with it. If I could choose to be straight, I simply wouldn’t. Glennon articulates a feeling that I think a lot of the LGBTQ+ community face. Dismissal of how they feel about their own sexuality.

In summation, Untamed is a super engaging and insightful memoir exploring many different themes. A few people I have spoken to about this book have said that it has helped them with accepting their own Queerness. A book that touches people and helps them accept themselves is a book that you definitely want to have on your shelf.