Everything Wrong With Ryan Gosling’s Characters

I am a sucker for romance films. Movies such as Ten Things I Hate About You and Juno sit high on my short list of favorite movies (the list is short because I strictly watch the same five movies over and over again). As I have begun to branch out to see if there might be any new favorites out there, I have been sorely disappointed over and over again--specifically by Ryan Gosling.

Now, this isn’t an attack on Gosling himself, I know nothing about him as a person and I probably never will. This is more of an attack on the way Hollywood seems to churn out romances in which the male protagonists are framed as “romantic” when in reality they are merely manipulative assholes.

The Notebook is one of these classic films: hailed for being one of the best romance movies of all time, it follows Noah and Allie from their high school summer romance up until their elderly years spent in a retirement home. While this movie tries its best to tug on your heartstrings, I found it increasingly difficult to look past the physical and verbal abuse, manipulation, and cheating that goes on throughout the film. Our protagonist, Noah, is supposed to be seen as romantic when he harasses Allie at a fair, dangling from a Ferris wheel and threatening to kill himself unless she agrees to go on a date with him (which she refuses multiple times up until this point). This iconic scene is intended to be romantic, as if a man pushing himself onto a woman and disrespecting her consent is something that should be admired. This isn’t even the worst of it, this film is chock-full of disgustingly sexist and rapey lines such as “Go slow, I don’t want to have to take advantage of you,” which Noah says when prompting Allie to drink less alcohol.

Along those same lines, we see Blue Valentine follows a similar structure to The Notebook as we follow Dave and Cindy both when they are young and in love as well as when they are older and their marriage is crumbling. Hailed for being tragically romantic, we see Gosling’s character throwing a pity party for himself, making the audience feel sympathetic towards him for his “bitchy” wife. The way the film is shot practically begs the viewer to take the man’s side, while the woman is vilified because her perspective is hardly explained for the majority of the movie. Full of toxic romance, we see a lack of communication on both ends as well as physical violence and verbal abuse. The same tropes we’ve seen over and over again in movies like this are also played out: the man pushes the woman to go on a date with him, the man threatens to kill himself at some point over an argument, and on top of all that we see multiple backhanded compliments in which Dave outright insults Cindy--but it’s supposedly okay because he also called her beautiful at the same time.

My Gosling binge-watch ended with Crazy, Stupid, Love, which was arguably the tamest out of the three films, albeit quite sexist. In this film Gosling plays Cal the “womanizer” who spends most of his screen time hooking up with women while also teaching Steve Carell’s character how to do the same by “being a man.” Cal essentially gives a Manliness 101 course, which could easily be renamed Negging 101. We see that his main trick to picking up women is to make them feel as if they are inferior, forcing them to “impress” him instead of trying to have an actual conversation with them. Not to mention sexist lines such as “The war between the sexes is over. We won. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise,” which are scattered throughout the film. But of course when Emma Stone’s character, Hannah, comes along, Cal is a changed man who has forgotten his manipulative and slimy ways.

The main issue with these films is that they first teach men that this behavior isn’t demanding and pushy but is instead “alpha male” behavior and that bullying women into going on dates with them is supposed to be romantic. Not only that, but girls and young women internalize this message and begin to see these red flags as charming instead of creepy. Growing up as a woman in this society I have always been taught to play “hard to get” because men supposedly love the chase. This idea is heavily influenced by the media we consume, especially films like those discussed above.

Another issue with films like these is that they seem to be force-feeding women, telling them what kind of men they should find attractive. This usually comes in the form of a muscular, white, “alpha” male who wears suits and eats pizza seductively (as seen in Crazy, Stupid, Love). Filmed through the male gaze, these men also conveniently model the “ideal man”--or at least what men believe is the ideal man for heterosexual women. While in reality, physical preferences range wildly from person to person, and there is never really one true “ideal” form of any type of person. Men in these movies practically beg women to desire those who are rude, pushy, and toxic, but in reality, most people want the complete opposite.

Although these types of romance movies play a huge role in these sexist dating ideologies, I have noticed that this generation seems to be perpetuating these ideas through TikTok “POVs,” specifically thirst traps posted by teenage boys (and sometimes even adult men). These TikToks usually consist of these men acting out some sort of high-stakes scenario in a “sexy” way, which often include themes of jealousy and abuse being framed as romantic.  The comment sections of videos like this are extremely troublesome, as young girls (some of which aren’t even teenagers yet) are conditioned to see aggressively jealous and controlling partners as simply “protective” and endearing. In addition to all this, some of these POVs show boys pretending to do the bare minimum in a relationship, as if not cheating on your girlfriend or being sympathetic to her period cramps is something they should be put upon a pedestal for.

Unfortunately, it is clear these tropes and sexist ideas are not going away any time soon. While modern films tend to be a little more socially aware than those produced in the early 2000s, media in the form of TikTok’s and fan fiction are becoming the more popular method of pedaling these toxic and misogynistic ideologies to young and impressionable people. It seems having discussions and educating others on the toxicity of these ideologies is the way to go, but it is hard to do when they are ingrained into the very fabric of our society.