What is Black Love?

“Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love. I rose in it.” - Toni Morrison, Jazz

For as long as I can remember, Black love has been a key component of what I, as well as millions of Black children and adults alike, consider a facet of ultimate success. In the Black community, Black love is not only idealized, but cherished, taking the form of art in music, films, and television shows so foundational to our experience. One does not need to experience it to appreciate its beautiful significance. In fact, Black love can be celebrated from every angle, despite its internal and external challenges. 

As a search of the topic on Google will confirm, Black love cannot be defined. It is subjective in nature, possessing both a different meaning and weight for each Black individual. Still, its meaning is blindingly clear to me. From “cocoa butter kisses” to the mutual understanding of the Black struggle, Black love symbolizes a oneness. It encapsulates much more than two people of the same skin color uniting for the sake of doing so, but rather a soul connection bringing two melanated humans to their highest potential. This love is healthy, supportive, and beautiful: a harmonization of two Black souls uplifting each other as not only people, but socially and politically amongst their own community and larger society. That being said, while Black love does indeed make a powerful statement, affirming the idea that two Black partners only make each other stronger, at its core it is a connection so unmatched that even the infinite vastness of the internet lacks the proper vocabulary to describe it.

From music to the big screen to pop culture, Black love is marketed to the Black community as the epitome of Black excellence. Right now, Black power couples seem to be everywhere: Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers, Lori Harvey and Michael B Jordan, and possibly the most powerful couple in the world, Michelle and Barack Obama. We are seemingly infatuated with their love stories, not because their connection is any stronger than, say, a biracial couple’s, but because they seem to encapsulate the power and beauty of Blackness. This love has been played out on the big screen, as well, in movies such as The Photograph, Moonlight, and Malcolm and Marie, three films that represent not only the brilliance of Black love, but its hardships. But perhaps no other form of art than that of 2000s R&B captures the quintessence of Black love. The slow, sensual songs of the early 2000s epitomize what was arguably a Black love movement. Songs such as “Differences'' by Genuine, “Let Me Love You” by Mario, and “Into You” by Fabolous and Tamia represent the deep bond between two Black persons. Though I, myself, was born in the early 2000s, these songs were, and still remain an integral part of my life. When I close my eyes, I can still picture my parents singing “I’ll brush your hair, help you put your durag on'' from Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 You” while I sit in my car seat in the back of our minivan. 

For me, Black love is nostalgic. It symbolizes love that is young, fun, and worth remembering.

While Black love is utterly bewitching, it can be hard to come by. In the Black community, there has been a recurring rift between the Black man and woman. A prevalent issue plaguing our community is the disrespect and devaluement of the Black woman at the hands of the Black men. Time and again, Black men have proved that their loyalty lies elsewhere as it relates to their allyship with Black women, often claiming them to be too loud, too problematic, and too far from the Eurocentric beauty standard to make acceptable partners. And while this is far from the case for all Black men, it is so common within our community that it has often times than not pitted Black women and men against one another. Perhaps this is why Black love is so cherished: finding two partners willing to water the seed of love can be a rarity.

In the same breath, another issue standing in the way of Black love is that of colorism. A problem within the Black community at large, colorism is often masked as a simple “preference” for a lighter skin partner. By doing so, Black individuals often assert that people within the community who possess lighter skin are somehow more valuable, and therefore more beautiful than brown-skin and dark-skin people. To make such a claim is not only incredibly ignorant, but damaging to the movement. To pick and choose what kind of people deserve love is a crime against Black love ideology. Similarly, it is most often heteronormalized, excluding LGBTQ+ couples in much of the aforementioned media. If Black love is to be portrayed in this sphere, it must be representational of all peoples involved. This love exists in all forms, even extending beyond that of romantic relationships. It manifests between Black friends, family, and strangers. Black love is meant to be neither “gatekeeped” nor monitored. To cultivate authentic love is to welcome it in all forms.

Overall, Black love is both beautiful and burdensome. Regardless of the weight that it often encompasses, many people in the Black community, including myself, continue to stand for it, certain that it’s something worth fighting for. In one single quote, Morrison perfectly characterizes the ideological value of Black love, asserting that it is different from any other love in the sense that it empowers, rather than simply links. To support Black love is not to shame interrcial relationships, nor to say that I myself would never be in one. To support Black love is to support all forms of love. In the end, love always wins- no matter who is involved.